A revelation, maybe?

Calories consumed: 1578

Calories burned: 2073

Calorie deficit: 495

Yesterday turned out to be a good day. I ate well. I was able to do some exercising, however, not as much as I would have liked to do. I didn't work out in the morning, so I tried to fit in a 45 minute cardio routine after dinner. About 20 minutes into it, I realized that it wasn't working. I was coughing the entire time and couldn't stop. So I fast forwarded to the less strenuous cardio part of the routine, and I was able to finish. In the end, I probably only did 25 to 30 minutes instead of the intended 45 minutes. But I was ok with that. It was better than nothing.

But on the way home from work yesterday, after having read my latest post about my measurements, my husband said he was mad at me. I asked why, and he said, "Only you could see the negative in having lost 2-1/4 inches!" And he got me thinking. And he's right. On one hand, I was grateful that I lost something, but on the other hand, I was sad that it wasn't more. This feeling, in the end, made me not nearly as elated about losing inches as you would think it should have made me feel. Why is that?

When we were on vacation recently with some of our best friends, they were trying to help me get to the bottom of my obsession with exercising and weight loss, because in their eyes, and in my husband's eyes (and probably most people's eyes, if I were to ask), there is nothing wrong with me the way I am. I'm not overweight. I'm not fat. I'm fit and healthy. Why can't I be happy with that, accept and love myself for who/what I am, and just relax about all of this stuff?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I did. Maybe if I knew, I wouldn't have this problem. All I know is that I remember feeling this way most of my life. I remember the day I realized that my butt was much wider than I ever knew it was... I had always looked at myself in the mirror sideways, never from the back. And then one day, I got out a mirror and observed, and I was shocked at how wide my bottom half was. It never looked that way from the side. How did that happen? When did that happen? I think that was the moment that started it all.

Then there is my mom. I love my mom to death. Although we argue and bicker at times, I appreciate and respect her to the utmost. She's the most kind and sweet mom you'll ever meet. I am her only daughter among her five children, and I have a figure very similar to my mom's (defined waist, large hips and thighs). All my life, she has subjected me to comments like, "When I was your age, I was X pounds; let's compare your size to what my size was back then." Or maybe comments like, "Well, you just wait until you get older! Your legs will look like this, too!" And it's funny, because when your mom tells you something, you believe it. I mean, it's your mom. Would she lie? Would she steer you wrong? Never! So I think years of these comparisons has led me to the conclusion that if I don't do something about it, I'm going to have her exact shape as I age. And I love my mom, but I don't want that for myself. I want to look just like I do now when I'm 50 or 60 or 70. I don't want to let age get in the way of me staying healthy, trim, and fit. So I feel like I'm always fighting this battle, and struggling very hard, so that as I age, I don't fall into the body that my mom fell into.

I think the question I need to ask myself is, so what if I did? Why do I care so much? Everyone I love would still love me, no matter what my size. So why does it matter? I wish I knew.

Pick yourself up again

Calories consumed: 1411

Calories burned: 2304

Calorie deficit: 893

Wow, that's an awesome deficit. I'm telling you, though, I have to find new resolve to stick with this. Although I did well yesterday with the above stats, I failed this morning when I didn't get up to work out. This cold that I've been nursing for 7 weeks now is just wearing me out. It's hard to work out when you're having trouble breathing, and I get tired more quickly when I can't breathe well, and I'm up at night coughing often, so I've been sleeping in a lot (well, sleeping in to the point that I don't have time to exercise; I still wake up at 7:00 AM, which isn't really sleeping in).

Anyway, let's talk about yesterday. I had every intention of waking up and exercising, but Lila woke me up at 5:25 AM to tell me she had a sweet dream that made her cry—sweet kid, I know. I put her back to bed, and would have normally woke up at 5:45 AM, but knowing that I would have to wake up in 20 minutes after I put her back to bed would have left me awake that whole time. So I opted to not workout, and get an extra hour of sleep. But last night, I had a personal training session, so at least I got some exercise in. However, I only burned about 210 calories for an hour of training. I guess weight lifting isn't as strenuous as aerobics, and although we do circuits where we add in cardio, it wasn't much. But 210 is better than nothing.

Last night at training, I was remeasured. My measurements are down a total of 2-1/4 inches from when I started back in December. My arms are down by 1/4 inch each, my waist by 1 inch, my hips by 1/4 inch, and my thighs by 1/4 inch each. While this is good, and I'm happy I lost something, some of the other girls that I do training with, however, have lost 2 or more inches from one spot like their hips or their waists. I'm not sure what they're doing right and I'm doing wrong to have made such great progress. Two of us are fairly equal in size, as far as our height to weight ratios, and the other two are equal, too, just in a different way, so it's not that any of us really have much to lose in the first place. I'm just surprised that some of the other girls lost more than I did. Granted, I don't really know what they're like at home, what they eat, or how much they exercise. But are they really doing that much more than me that made their results so wonderful?

So maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe, although I'm tracking my calories on most days, I'm not tracking accurately, and I'm really eating more than I think I am. Or on days when I'm not tracking, I'm overeating and not realizing it. I just don't know. And maybe I just don't work out as hard as I think I do.

But yet I persevere. I'm going to continue to try to stay on the healthy eating wagon, to lose a bit more weight, and to tone my body. I know I let these things get the better of me sometimes, but I must find a way to pick myself back up again, and try, try, try.

Struggling with it all

I don't even have calorie burns or calorie intakes to share with you. My week has been horrible. I'm really struggling right now, and I can't seem to get back on the wagon. But I have to find a way, and I will, I promise.

Monday, we ended up having to take Lila to my in-law's so she could spend the night. My mother-in-law watches her on Tuesdays, and was unable to come to our house on Tuesday this week. They live about 35 minutes away. To top it off, it was snowing, so it took a while to get home from work and get Lila, then to get out to their house. When we got there, she had made homemade chicken noodle soup, which I was extremely grateful for. I've been nursing a stuffy nose and cough for almost six weeks now, and it seems to be getting worse again, so the soup was fantastic. But, of course, in usual Lynnette style, I splurged on treats after dinner. Aren't I supposed to be watching what I eat, and didn't I give up sweets as my New Year's resolution? Why can't I stick with it? Ok, so fine, maybe it's ok that I have a sweet now and again, but give me an inch, and I will take a mile. I had a slice of a pastry bread, kind of like monkey bread. It was delicious. I went in for a small bite after I ate my slice. Then I had two pieces of chocolate. I couldn't stop.

Tuesday, we had to pick Lila up at the in-law's after work. Again, it was snowing, so it took a while to get there. Again, thankfully, my mother-in-law (who we all lovingly refer to as Bubby) made us dinner: chicken in a cranberry sauce, vegetables, and rice pilaf. But yet again, after dinner, I gave in and had 4 pieces of chocolate this time. It was too much. I could feel it. I felt miserable in the car on the way home. I just wanted to get into my comfy pants. You know that feeling, right?

Wednesday, I was going to church for Ash Wednesday shortly after we got home from work, so I barely had time to eat. Plus, no meat on Ash Wednesday. Actually, Wednesday was my best day so far this week. I was able to track my calories, as I ate everything in my bodybugg meal plan for the day, and ended up at around 1300 calories consumed. But since we were eating at Bubby's both Monday and Tuesday, and I don't know what ingredients she uses, I was unable to track my calories. And when I have a day or two where I can't track during the week, it makes me unmotivated to track anything else the rest of the week.

Even today, Thursday, I'm not tracking again. We took my niece to lunch today at Mad Mex, so there was no way I was going to be able to get the calories for my meal. So when we got home, I had several chocolate graham crackers, some with peanut butter spread on them. What is wrong with me? I can't seem to stop this insanity.

To top it off, I had a horrible weight week. When I weighed in on Monday, I was down a pound, which was great. But then on Tuesday and Wednesday, I was up by 1.2, then 1.4 pounds. Where did that come from? Now the weird thing is that today, I was back down to a few tenths of a pound below where I was on Monday. I don't understand the way our bodies gain and lose weight like that. I know it's a small amount, and I should consider it negligible, but I just wish I understood it.

I honestly can't remember what I did for workouts this week. They've been very sporadic. I remember walking/jogging on the treadmill one day. I remember yesterday, I tried to workout, but because of my cold, found I had no energy to do anything, so I ended up just taking a leisurely walk on the treadmill. Today, I was too tired, so I didn't do anything. I've considered going outside and shoveling the snow off of our deck, but I don't see that happening. So I decided to bake jack a coconut cream pie instead. The good news is that I don't like coconut, so I won't be tempted to eat any of this pie!

So that's my story for the week. I haven't had time to blog until now, and I'm struggling with keeping my goals. But as I always say, tomorrow is a new day, and I will start again. I just hope I can stick with it this time.

Not too shabby

Calories consumed: 1470+

Calories burned: 2190

Calorie deficit: 720-

On paper, my day looks good. Yesterday, I decided to try to eat what was on my bodybugg meal plan for the day. I started the day with 2 cups of oatmeal! I've never eaten that much oatmeal in one sitting before. It was a lot. But there was no morning snack planned, so that worked out well. It sustained me all morning.

Lunch was an apple, a meal-replacement bar, and a glass of milk. Surprisingly, this was plenty of food, and I felt satisfied after my meal.

For dinner, I veered off-course and made a Weight Watchers pasta dinner recipe, served with steamed broccoli and cauliflower. Shockingly, it was only 400 calories or so for my meal, which was very delicious and satisfying.

But here's where I not only veered off-course—I just about crashed and burned. I made cookies yesterday for a friend at work, who's birthday is today. It was a new recipe I hadn't tried yet; they're called Outrageous Chocolate Chip Cookies. Well, the minute I opened up the chips, I had to taste them. And then a few more. Then I made the batter, and when I was done, I had to eat what was left on the beater. Then as I was spooning the cookies onto the pans, I left some batter in the bowl, which I had to eat. I did at least count the two cookies I think I ate worth of batter, plus the 1/2 cookie I ate once they were done. But I didn't count the chocolate chips I ate. It wasn't much, maybe 50 calories worth, but I forgot to count it.

Then, after dinner, we went to my brother's house to celebrate his birthday. My sister-in-law made this fantastic apple crisp (Grant doesn't like cake, or anything that isn't wholesome and pure, as he has many food allergies, and is a health nut), served with Breyer's all natural vanilla ice cream (one of my favorites). Fortunately, I don't think there was any fat in the recipe, and I bet even the sugar was at a minimum, but I still had 1-1/2 servings, plus at least 1/2 cup of ice cream, none of which I counted. So when I say my calories consumed were 1470+, that + accounts for the chocolate chips, apple crisp, and ice cream I failed to count. Which means that my deficit of 720 was less than 720.

But all in all, I can't complain too much about the day. I was shocked at the end of the day to see that my calorie burn was 2190. I didn't work out yesterday, so I'm not sure what I did that burned that much off, but I'm grateful to have had a good burn day without even really trying. It made the chocolate splurge a little more bearable.

And then this morning, I weighed in, and I was down a pound from last week. So that's good, too. My old scale weighed me in at 131, and my new scale was 131.8. I'm calling it 131 for now, because that makes me feel better. And one last positive note, when I saw my brother last night, he said it looked like I've lost weight. That TOTALLY made my day.

Valentine's Day celebration, a day early

Calories consumed: 1956

Calories burned: 2534

Calorie deficit: 578

Wow, it is amazing how many calories you can burn by just cleaning the house for a few hours. Granted, I did Zumba yesterday morning as well (I was only in class for about 45 minutes, so that burned a little over 300 calories), but I bet I burned over 200 cleaning the house. Not too shabby.

I ended up eating a lot more than I should have yesterday. I hate that this keeps happening. Notice that if I stuck to my calorie intake goal of 1550 calories, because of my high burns, I'd have as much as a 1000 calorie deficit on some days. At that rate, I'd lose 2 pounds a week. That would make me happy.

So where did I go wrong yesterday? Well, at lunch, we had ham and cheese paninis, which I made on the Foreman grill this time, and used very little light butter on mine. Overall, this lunch wasn't bad, except for the fact that I had a cup of the pasta salad I had made for the Super Bowl. That was an extra 200 calories. It was whole wheat pasta, with a bunch of vegetables, but pasta adds up quick. It's not fair. After lunch, I was craving sweets, again, so I had a Charms Blow Pop (60 calories) out of Lila's treat basket, plus I had a Weight Watchers chocolate frosted snack cake (90 calories). So between the pasta salad and treats, I had consumed an extra 350 calories that I really didn't need.

Then dinner came. It was the day before Valentine's Day, and we knew we weren't going to be able to celebrate on Valentine's Day as a family, so we went to dinner the day before. Jack chose Chinese food, and I obliged. We always get stir-fried General Tso's chicken, so at least it's not all deep fried with breading. And then we also get a vegetable medley. Oh darn, and I forgot to count the two steamed dumplings I had. Shoot! Anyway, I tried to be mindful of how much I was eating, but in the end, I bet I ate over 800 calories in dinner. And then after we got home, I had a cup of hot cocoa, plus a few animal cookies.

I'm having such a hard time sticking to a 1500 calorie meal plan. Well, some days I am. It's so frustrating. So for the upcoming week, I'm going to try eating the bodybugg suggested meal plans, which are all designed to provide me with 1500 calories a day. This gets to be a little problematic when I still need to feed Jack and Lila with dinners (some days, the bodybugg uses a meal replacement bar for dinner, and I can't feed that to Jack and Lila). Also problematic will be Tuesday when we're most likely going to Jack's mom's for dinner. And then lastly problematic is that Lent starts this week, so I won't be able to eat meat on Wednesday or Friday. Fortunately, the Wednesday meal plan has no meat in it anyway, but I'll need to do some substituting on Friday.

So wish me luck. I'm not sure if I'll be successful or not, but I've got to try.

Almost back on the wagon

Calories consumed: 1557

Calories burned: 2159

Calorie deficit: 602

It was so nice to be back at work on Friday. Sure, I got pretty darn tired mid-afternoon, but I muddled through, and to boot, I didn't eat too poorly.

Since I had a late day personal training session on Thursday, and I went to bed late Thursday night, I decided to sleep in on Friday and not work out. But by the time we were coming home from work, I was really dreading that decision, so I decided to do an evening workout after dinner. I'm glad I did, because I ended up burning at least 300 calories doing a very old Kathy Smith step aerobics tape. Yes, it was another VHS tape. I like this workout because it builds intensity as you go through three cycles of aerobics, then you do some weight training. Then you do it again. It's about a 45 to 50 minute workout. I adjusted my step to be as high as it goes, which I don't normally do. In the prime of my time doing this video, I used to use the step without any added height, and yesterday, I added two layers of height. It was hard! But I really wanted to burn some major calories. I'm glad I did it that way.

I ate pretty well for most of the day. My only splurge came at lunch time when I had two of the Valentine's Day cookies that Lila and I had made a few days earlier. I also had a small handful of nuts. Oh, and one other small splurge came in the evening when I was craving something sweet, but also wanted something good for me. I ended up having a cup of homemade hot cocoa, made with 1 cup of skim milk, 2 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa, and a pack of Splenda. For 100 calories or so, it was pretty tasty.

So all in all, with a calorie deficit of 600 calories, I was pretty happy with the day. I was also very excited when I got home from work because my new Tanita scale had arrived. This new scales weighs in tenths of a pound (my old scale only weighs in whole numbers), and it also measures total body fat and water mass, or something like that. My water ratio is 50%. That seems to be within the normal range, but I don't really know what that means. I need to read the little book that came with it. Am I supposed to be aiming to have a higher water ratio? Or am I good just where I am?

My body fat is around 27%. That, too, is within the normal range for a 41 year old woman. I'm anxious to see if this number changes at all as I continue to attend personal training sessions, and incorporate more free weights at home. My weight is slightly different on the new scale when compared to the old scale. For instance, this morning, I was 131 on the old scale (a victory of a 1 pound loss, according to that scale), but on the new scale, I was 132.2. I know this seems like such a minor difference, and it is, but at the same time, when I am struggling to lose each and every ounce, differences like this matter a lot to me. So for the sake of my bodybugg program, I will continue to weigh in using my old scale, but I will be tracking my weight with my new scale as well.

I know, I know. I'm insane.

Let's hear it for small victories

Calories consumed: 2021

Calories burned: 2697

Calorie deficit: 676

I burned a lot of calories yesterday. The most frustrating part about that, though, is that for all that hard work, I couldn't keep my cravings at bay. Had I kept to 1500 calories consumed for the day, I would have been another 500 calories ahead of the game. That would have made up for my splurge on Tuesday. But as it stands, I splurged a bit yesterday, too, so I'm still not out of the woods yet for staying on track this week. And that's just to stay on track for the week and lose one pound. I still need to try to find a way to make up the other two pounds I still need to lose to stay on track with my goal of losing 10 pounds by March 21.

I worked out yesterday morning when I got up. I did a 40 minute Kathy Smith kickboxing workout. I have this workout on VHS, believe it or not. Thank goodness my VCR still works and the tape hasn't been ruined. I really like this workout. It burns a lot of calories, and it's fun. After that, I did a 13 minute stability ball ab routine. I burned over 300 calories with this combo.

Later that evening, I had a personal training session where I burned another 250 calories or so. It was a tough session, as they always are, but I love pushing myself. I know that it's paying off, and it's fun. I love the girls that I do training with.

My meals, though, left much to be desired. I had cereal and milk for breakfast, and skipped my morning snack, unless you count the cup of hot chocolate that I got from the coffee shop and split with Lila. For lunch, we had grilled ham and cheese paninis (light cheese, mind you). But after lunch, I had a cookie (100 calories in one cookie... drat!). And then we put together Lila's Valentine's Day treat bags for her friends at school. We bought a bag of mini peanut butter cups and mini Kit Kats—two of my favorite treats! So, I had three peanut butter ups and two Kit Kats. This was about 250 calories. It was good, but what a waste! And then after dinner (chicken quesedillas), I had a few fruit-flavored Mentos. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess.

So if you were wondering what I wish I hadn't eaten yesterday, it would have been the chocolate, the cookie, and the Mentos. Why did I give in? Well, I did start my monthly cycle yesterday, and that always comes with the need for sugar, especially chocolate. But really, why did I sabotage my diet yet again? I don't understand why I can't control this, and why the sugar always seems to control me.

I did have one minor victory yesterday, though. I found a new recipe for chocolate chocolate-chip cookies, and I really wanted to bake them yesterday. As hard as it was to resist, I didn't bake. I focused my time and energy on other things, and forgot all about it. So yay me! I'll take any small victory!

Strong urges

Calories consumed: 1564

Calories burned: 2152

Calorie deficit: 588

So Wednesday turned out to be a little better. I was able to keep my calories in check by refraining from too much junk. But somehow, my three goals for healthy eating have just gone out the door this week. I'm so off track, it's not even funny. I'm behind by 500 calories. You know, the formula is to have a total deficit of 3500 calories for the week, as that will equal one pound of weight loss. But because I ate so poorly on Tuesday, and actually had a surplus, I'm behind by 500 calories. I'm not sure how I'm going to make this up, as it just will require me to work out more, and that means needing to find the time to do so. This is so hard.

Anyway, on Wednesday, we were home yet again due to the inclement weather. I worked out in the morning by doing a weight routine that burns a decent amount of calories, followed by a 20 minute cardio routine. I also spent some time shoveling snow—again.

My breakfast was normal, lunch was good (tuna on a light, whole wheat slice of toast, plus a bowl of Progresso light soup), and dinner was small (hamburger, no bun, pasta salad, and green beans). But at that point, I had eaten so few calories that I was pretty hungry at 7:00 pm, so I had some popcorn. A little while later, still hungry and very munchy, I had some handfuls of Cocoa Puffs. I can't wait until those are out of the pantry. They're addicting.

If I could change one thing about yesterday, I wouldn't have eaten the Cocoa Puffs. Did I really need them? No. I had the munchies, I wanted to eat something sweet and chocolately, and that didn't have a lot of calories. This was a perfect match, but in the end, I still didn't need it. I don't know what happens to me. Somehow, I let this urge to eat sweets rule my life. It takes over my brain and all of my logical thinking; it gets past the dreaded thoughts of what I'll look like some day if I continue to eat sweets in this manner. I have to find a way to overrule that part of my brain. I guess the problem is that on some days, I care less about how I'll look, and care more about how good that piece of chocolate is going to taste. But I don't know how that's possible when I obsess as much as I do about the way I look now and in the future. It must be a pretty strong urge to eat sweets to get past my obsession about gaining weight. And how do you curb such a strong urge? I wish there was a solution to that question. Right now, I'm not feeling it.

Misplaced blame

Calories consumed: 2433

Calories burned: 2144

Calorie surplus: 289

Yes, you read that correctly. I had a calorie surplus yesterday. I ate more than I burned. I'm telling you, it's all because I'm stuck at home. Maybe if I were a stay-at-home mom, I would settle into a routine, and not overeat, but these strange snow days are killing me. I hope they end soon.

So I bet you're wondering how this happened? Well, I was bad. I went on a bender. A food bender, that is.

I was a good girl Tuesday morning. I worked out as soon as I woke up. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, with a combination of jogging and walking. I went about 2.2 miles in those 30 minutes. After that, I lifted weights, following one of the programs that my personal trainer made for me. In addition to that, I went out and shoveled some more snow. Jack tried to go to work yesterday morning, so when he pulled the car out of the driveway, there was a bunch of snow piled up that now needed to be moved out of the way. So I had my fair share of exercise.

But then jack came back home from work before he ever even reached the office. Traffic was horrible, and he didn't feel it was worth it. So after we both did some work from home, we decided to get out of the house and go to lunch. We hadn't been out since Friday evening, except to go grocery shopping on Sunday morning, so we were all itching to go somewhere.

Let me start at the beginning, though. I had oatmeal for breakfast (1/3 cup dry), plus a protein shake. I had an apple for a morning snack. We had lunch down at Armstrong's, an Italian restaurant close by our house. The food is good, but the portions are huge. I ordered soup and salad, but of course, the waitress brought us a basket of bread. It was sliced very thick. I had 1/2 slice, then later had the other 1/2, with butter both times. My bowl of wedding soup was huge. I'm guessing it was 2 cups worth. I also had a salad. The only bad thing in the salad was the 1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella on top. I got it with a balsamic dressing, which I'm hoping wasn't too high in fat. It didn't seem like it would have been. It was quite runny. Anyway, I didn't finish my salad. I ate about 3/4 of it. But then the kicker came when we read the dessert options. I had no intention of getting dessert, but we were all enthralled by the waitress's description to another customer of the "Armstrong's Cake." So we ordered one piece, with three forks. This cake had cheesecake on the bottom (with a graham cracker crust), with a layer of chocolate ganache on top, and then chocolate cake on top of that, all frosted with a delicious chocolate frosting. The serving size was about what you'd expect, and it was fabulous.

I was so full after that lunch, I wasn't even hungry for dinner, but had some food anyway. I had a hamburger (no bun), a small portion of a pasta side dish, and some green beans. Then, in my usual stupid style, I had a slice of lemon meringue pie. It was still in the fridge from Sunday, and I hate to waste food. Normally, I would have taken it to work on Monday, but with this weather (see, there I go again, blaming the snow for all of this!), I haven't been to work, and the crust was getting soggy. It was now or never.

So that's how easily my calories added up for the day. It really is shocking, and this is why I wish I could avoid eating out. Sure, I could have cut the cake out of the meal, but even the salad and soup and bread was more than I should have eaten. But I hate to waste food, and it wasn't exactly convenient to wrap up half of my soup and salad. If I were motivated, maybe I would have found a way, but as it is, I'm blaming my lack of motivation on the snow, although I really know deep down, it's my own fault. I could make better choices. I just didn't. Why can't I control that?

Oh well, hopefully I'll do better today.

Baking is my passion, and my nemesis

Calories consumed: 1687

Calories burned: 2406

Calorie deficit: 719

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I cannot find the motivation and willpower that I need to maintain a healthy diet when I'm at home. Monday was a perfect example of this. Lila's daycare was closed due to the crazy snowstorm we had over the weekend. I was determined to stick to my guns and not eat poorly just because I was at home.

See, the nice thing about the routine of work days is that I eat the same thing every day, from the time I get up, until dinner time. Now, that may sound boring, but it's what helps me be able to stick to my calorie intake goal each day. It's easy to stay on track when you already know exactly what you're going to eat, and how many calories it's worth.

But when I'm home, everything is fair game. Since I have more food available to me, I'm not limited to eating a salad for lunch, and since time is of no concern, I can graze on several different kinds of cereal as I leisurely eat breakfast in front of the TV. And since I have so much available to me, I tend to give in to baking.

Now, baking is my passion. I don't know when it became that way; I mean, I've always enjoyed baking for as long as I can remember, but it wasn't until recently (well, as recent as the past 10 years, I'd say) that I really started enjoying it more and more. Maybe it was because I was sharing my baking with others more often, which, in turn, would make me want to bake more because my baking always made people happy. My boss even proposed to me once after eating my apple pie for the first time. Sorry for that sidebar, but my point is that when I'm home, and there's flour and sugar in the pantry, and eggs and butter in the fridge, I'm a-bakin'. And it's not like I can remove the temptation to bake and get rid of these staple ingredients that we use all the time in everyday cooking.

So, being home on Monday, I baked. I made Valentine's Day cut-out cookies. And I tried chewing gum so I wouldn't be tempted to eat the dough, but then something hit me, the gum was in the trash, and the next thing I knew, I bet I had eaten three cookies worth in dough. This is why I like to stay busy on my days off; it keeps me from the kitchen.

So overall, aside from the three raw cookies, and the two I ate after they were baked (oh crap, I just realized it was three, and at 100 calories each, that was a lot of wasted calories), I did really well with eating. And I even motivated myself to work out this morning (which is hard to do on days when we're all home). I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, plus a 30 minute aerobics DVD, which, in total, burned about 320 calories. I was supposed to have personal training tonight, but it was canceled due to the snow. Stupid snow. Have I said that yet? Anyway, by the end of the night, I was close to meeting my calorie burn and step target for the day, so I joined Lila at her crazy dance club in our kitchen where we jumped around like loons until my alarm went off that told me I met my targets for the day. Whew! That was fun.

Anyway, I guess since I have so much trouble when I'm not in the routine of it all, I should consider using bodybugg's meal plans. They have a bunch of meals already planned out for me each day, and if I were to follow the plan for the day, I'd end up consuming the right amount of calories with the right amount of nutrients (carbs vs. protein vs. fat). Maybe I need to study up on this idea a bit more; it could be the thing that helps me stay on track.

Oh, and today was a weigh-in day. I was down one pound to 132, which is what I was supposed to lose in a week. The bad news is that, with that Disney World trip, I'm still two pounds behind schedule. My bodybugg coach suggested I do an extra 30 minutes of workout a day for a week and that that should get me back on track. But I'm a morning workout person because I find it impossible to work out in the evening, so trying to fit in a 30 minute walk/jog on the treadmill at 7:00 at night is going to be really hard to do. Do I consider waking up at 5:15 AM in order to fit this in? Ugh, I shudder at the thought.

How I'm like a two year old

From Friday

Calories consumed: 1512

Calories burned: 2335

Calorie deficit: 823

From Saturday

Calories burned: 2463

From Sunday

Calories burned: 2288

Routine, routine, routine. I really do much better following a healthy eating program when I'm in a routine, just like a two year old. See, on Friday when I was at work, as it usually is on work days, I was able to maintain a calorie deficit that was even higher than my goal of 500 calories. However, I must admit, I didn't do as well with any of my three rules for the new year. I ended up nibbling on some food during lunch that wasn't mine (Jack's Sun Chips), and after dinner, I had I cup of hot chocolate with Lila. Who can resist a 5-year old asking you to have hot cocoa with them, especially when it was starting to snow pretty hard outside? The two just go together (hot cocoa and snow, that is). And then for dinner, I didn't really pay attention to my portion sizes. I probably would have filled up with less food, but I didn't care. Why is that? Regardless, I'm grateful that when all was said and done, I managed to stay within my goal for the day.

On Saturday, I usually go to Zumba, but the darn snow storm (Snowapalooza is the term the media is using that I find catchy) really screwed everything up. By Saturday morning when we woke up, there was so much snow, the snow on our deck was almost to the bottom of our bay window. That was about 19 inches. Then it kept snowing for several more hours and we ended up somewhere around 21 or 22 inches total, I think. So we weren't going anywhere on Saturday. I also knew that we'd be shoveling snow that day, so I didn't bother doing a regular work-out routine at home. So yeah, those 2400 calories that I burned that day? I ended up with such a high burn because of all the shoveling. It was hard, heavy, and took forever. And Jack and I even shared the load.

But the other thing that the snow screwed up was my diet. I'm not sure why this happens, but it was like, emotionally, I just couldn't bear to pay attention to what I was eating. It was like I used the snow storm as an excuse to not care. Now, all in all, I'm hoping I didn't sabotage my diet too much. The worst thing about Saturday, I think, was the 9 pancakes I had for breakfast. They're not huge. Maybe 2-1/2 to 3 inches in diameter. And they were good. Lunch was a grilled ham and cheese like we have every weekend (at least I use low-fat cheese!). Dinner was a Weight Watchers frozen dinner. Now, of course, in between all that, I probably ate some bad choices. I think after dinner, I had a few pieces of chocolate. So, because the day started off with homemade pancakes that I didn't feel like tracking, I didn't track anything I ate. I blame it on the snow.

Sunday wasn't any better. I couldn't resist sharing cereal with Jack and Lila for breakfast. We had Cocoa Puffs. Who can resist Cocoa Puffs? I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, aren't you? Anyway, I did at least try really hard to have a very small bowl. I made jack put them away right after I poured my meager 1/2 cup serving. Lunch, again, was grilled ham and cheese. Sunday was the Super Bowl, and we had a friend over to watch, so I made pulled turkey sandwiches on whole wheat buns, a whole wheat pasta salad (recipe from Cooking Light), and a lemon meringue pie for dessert. The problem with this is that I nibbled as I baked the pie, and we also had bought a bag of snacks (you know, the cheesy kind that has pretzels, Doritos, cheese curls, and Sun Chips, all in one bag), and I couldn't stop eating those. I don't think I did too much damage. Maybe 1 cup when all was said and done, but still. So again, because of the kind of day it was, I didn't track my food.

Not tracking my food doesn't help me much with my bodybugg. See, if I was tracking, by the time I weigh in again, I'm able to see if I'm tracking accurately or not. If I'm not tracking, there's no way for the program to know. I need to get better at that. I need to train myself to not use the weekends, and they're lack of routine, as an excuse to not track food. Maybe someday I can have that part of my brain that craves routine grow up from being a 2 year old to being a 41 year old.

Mmmm, cookies

Calories consumed: 1426

Calories burned: 2110

Calorie deficit: 684

These were my stats from yesterday (Tuesday). It was a pretty good day overall. I worked out in the morning by doing a 20 minute cardio DVD (Turbo Jam), followed by a 20 minute ab routine. I tried to take it easy a little bit since I had worked out pretty hard the day before.

I steered clear of sweets for the day, which was amazing, considering that I baked cookies last night. I ended up chewing gum the whole time I was baking the cookies to keep me from being tempted to eat cookie dough, or even the finished product, which were piping hot peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies, one of my favorites! My meals went well—even dinner, which I didn't prepare, wasn't too bad. We went to my mom's for dinner where she had made us chili (is that how you spell it? Spellcheck didn't like it with two l's, even though that's how I thought it was spelled), rice, and cornbread. But by keeping my portion sizes in check, I was able to stay within my calorie target for the day.

Tuesday night was the season premiere of Lost, so we stayed up until after 11:00 watching it. This, in turn, meant that I wouldn't be waking up early to work out, which meant I probably wasn't going to have time to fit in a workout today (Wednesday). And of all days, this was a bad one to not work out. I really needed all the calories I could burn because I didn't do well on my diet for the day. I took those cookies into work today that I made last night, and had three of them at lunch time (88 calories each!). Then for dinner, we had leftovers from Sunday when my mom prepared dinner for us, since that was our first day back from vacation. We had a roast, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and biscuits. Having not prepared the meal, I really have no idea how to count the calories for what I ate. I mean, I could guess, but it wouldn't be accurate. Did she put more or less butter in the potatoes than I would account for? What kind of meat did she use for the roast? Top round? Bottom round? Top sirloin? They all have different calorie counts. So for today, I've decided not to count calories. But I really, really wish I had worked out. I guess I'll be doing my 500 calorie workout tomorrow, and with my bodybugg, finally figuring out if I really burn 500 calories doing it. I'll let you know.

It's a new day

Calories consumed: 1475

Calories burned: 2561

Calorie deficit: 1086

Yesterday was a new day, a new start, with renewed determination. I weighed myself yesterday morning, fearful of what the number was going to be after having spent a week in DisneyWorld, not paying any attention to what I was shoving into my mouth. I stepped on with great trepidation, closed my eyes, and looked down to see 133 pounds! I was ecstatic! I had been weighing in at 133 for several days prior to vacation, and on the day we left, weighed in at 132. As I've said, I never really believe that I've gone down a pound until I see it consistently down for several days. So the fact that I weighed in at 133 yesterday, to me, meant that I pretty much maintained my weight while I was gone. So yay to me!

I glided back into my three eating goals pretty easily yesterday. I had no sweets, and I kept my portions reasonable. I did slip a little on the nibbling by having two dried apricots, a few raisins (and when I say "few", I mean like three), and a few peanuts. But knowing that I was going to have a decent deficit yesterday, I was ok with this minor splurge.

I ended up working out twice yesterday, burning about 300 calories in each session. In the morning, I did a 30 minute high-impact aerobic routine, followed by a 10-minute ab routine. Then last night, I had an hour-long session with my personal trainer. She kicks my butt every time, but it's awesome. I push myself so much harder during that session than I ever would at home by myself. And I believe it's paying off. Although my scale is not budging much since I started the personal training, I think that my pants are looser. Heather took my measurements back in December, and I'm now curious to see if they've changed at all. How long does it take for measurements to change?

I also think I'm going to buy a new scale. The one I have is digital, but it doesn't even measure in decimals. I found one that Consumer Reports recommends that does all the fancy stuff, like measures body fat, can store information for two users, etc. Since getting healthy is about more than just your weight, I figured this would be a good use of $60. I'll let you know if it's any good.