I re-read my last post, which, coincidentally was exactly six months ago today, and I was in envy of my 129 pound weigh-in, and disappointed that I haven't lived up to my vow that I wouldn't let this holiday season bring me down by gaining weight, but guess what happened? Yes, the pounds are back. I'm now up to 136 as of this morning, and I'm so mad at myself for not trying harder. Disappointed in myself for not being able to control myself. Discouraged at my lack of willpower. If you've been reading this blog from the beginning almost a year ago, you know that a few years back, I did Weight Watchers and went from 142 pounds down to 127. And now here I am at 136, almost 10 pounds heavier than I was after losing that weight. How did this happen?
I think it's my baking career that is sabotaging my weight loss and/or maintenance plans. I must admit that before I started HappyJack Bakery, I would eat a lot of cookie dough, or cake batter, or cheesecake before it went in the oven, or whatever, when I would bake. But once I started baking "professionally" (if you can call it that), I stopped that nonsense because every piece I put in my mouth was less money in my pocket. But the thing that killed me all summer were the leftovers. If I didn't sell out of a certain cookie one week, I would repack it, freeze it, and try to sell it the next week. But I didn't do that for more than one week, so after that second week, if it still didn't sell, Jack and I would eat the leftovers. I couldn't let them go to waste, and I didn't want to share them with my friends at work at that point because some of those people were actually buying fresh cookies off of me. It just didn't seem right. So I ate a lot more cookies this summer than I normally would.
Once the farmer's market ended, I thought I'd be able to get back to normal, but October was busy with volleyball (Jack coaches, and I help in whatever way he needs me to), then I caught a bad cold in November and felt crappy for about three weeks. And then the holiday baking started. So there hasn't been time for me to recuperate from the summer, and even worse, the pounds just keep coming. They're coming slowly, but they're coming regardless. I have to put an end to it.
But not quite yet. Do you know anyone that has been able to successfully diet during the holidays with all those cookies everywhere? I can't deprive myself like that, especially when I love cookies as much as I do. But come January 1, I'm back on the wagon.
I recently purchased a new DVD workout series called Brazil Bikini Lift. I'm anxious to start the program. There is cardio, lower body workouts, abs—the typical set of workouts. I tried the ab routine the other day, and I was shocked at how much I hurt the next day. I was very excited by this because it seemed that I was working my abs in ways, or harder, than I have been. That kind of pain is good. It also comes with a 30-day eating plan, and workout plan for my butt type (which is pear-shaped, in case you were wondering... I was shocked at how easy it was to pick out my butt type from the little illustrations provided). I'm encouraged because the foods in the eating plan are very typical foods that I eat, so I'm hoping it will be easy to stick to. The meals total about 1200 calories per day, and that includes at least one or two snacks. I know that if I can stick to 1200 calories per day, or even 1500 calories, I will lose weight. And if I can do it for a month, even if I only lose one pound per week, I'll be down five pounds by February, and that will give me the motivation I need to lose another five.
My goal is to get to 125 pounds and maintain that weight without struggling to maintain it. I'm another year older than I was last year, and I know it gets harder and harder each year to lose weight. I'm hoping that I can find the motivation and determination to get it done, and not mess it up this time. I'm really disgusted that I've been able to feel my skin touch my belt on my back lately; I think this means that I've gained weight around my love handles and perhaps they're sticking out a little further than before, and are now rubbing against my belts. And my jeans are more snug. But I refuse to buy new pants. I'm going to lose 10 pounds. It's not hard. I just need to commit, and just do it.
And come January 1, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
