Starting over

I was with my friend today (fellow blogger Facie of Facie's Ramblings), and she asked me if I was ever going to write in this blog again, and I told her it has been on my to-do list for over a month now. I've been so busy that it's been hard to get back into the routine, but because my weight has reached a do-or-die point for me, I figured it's time to start writing again. I need to get back on that wagon.

I re-read my last post, which, coincidentally was exactly six months ago today, and I was in envy of my 129 pound weigh-in, and disappointed that I haven't lived up to my vow that I wouldn't let this holiday season bring me down by gaining weight, but guess what happened? Yes, the pounds are back. I'm now up to 136 as of this morning, and I'm so mad at myself for not trying harder. Disappointed in myself for not being able to control myself. Discouraged at my lack of willpower. If you've been reading this blog from the beginning almost a year ago, you know that a few years back, I did Weight Watchers and went from 142 pounds down to 127. And now here I am at 136, almost 10 pounds heavier than I was after losing that weight. How did this happen?

I think it's my baking career that is sabotaging my weight loss and/or maintenance plans. I must admit that before I started HappyJack Bakery, I would eat a lot of cookie dough, or cake batter, or cheesecake before it went in the oven, or whatever, when I would bake. But once I started baking "professionally" (if you can call it that), I stopped that nonsense because every piece I put in my mouth was less money in my pocket. But the thing that killed me all summer were the leftovers. If I didn't sell out of a certain cookie one week, I would repack it, freeze it, and try to sell it the next week. But I didn't do that for more than one week, so after that second week, if it still didn't sell, Jack and I would eat the leftovers. I couldn't let them go to waste, and I didn't want to share them with my friends at work at that point because some of those people were actually buying fresh cookies off of me. It just didn't seem right. So I ate a lot more cookies this summer than I normally would.

Once the farmer's market ended, I thought I'd be able to get back to normal, but October was busy with volleyball (Jack coaches, and I help in whatever way he needs me to), then I caught a bad cold in November and felt crappy for about three weeks. And then the holiday baking started. So there hasn't been time for me to recuperate from the summer, and even worse, the pounds just keep coming. They're coming slowly, but they're coming regardless. I have to put an end to it.

But not quite yet. Do you know anyone that has been able to successfully diet during the holidays with all those cookies everywhere? I can't deprive myself like that, especially when I love cookies as much as I do. But come January 1, I'm back on the wagon.

I recently purchased a new DVD workout series called Brazil Bikini Lift. I'm anxious to start the program. There is cardio, lower body workouts, abs—the typical set of workouts. I tried the ab routine the other day, and I was shocked at how much I hurt the next day. I was very excited by this because it seemed that I was working my abs in ways, or harder, than I have been. That kind of pain is good. It also comes with a 30-day eating plan, and workout plan for my butt type (which is pear-shaped, in case you were wondering... I was shocked at how easy it was to pick out my butt type from the little illustrations provided). I'm encouraged because the foods in the eating plan are very typical foods that I eat, so I'm hoping it will be easy to stick to. The meals total about 1200 calories per day, and that includes at least one or two snacks. I know that if I can stick to 1200 calories per day, or even 1500 calories, I will lose weight. And if I can do it for a month, even if I only lose one pound per week, I'll be down five pounds by February, and that will give me the motivation I need to lose another five.

My goal is to get to 125 pounds and maintain that weight without struggling to maintain it. I'm another year older than I was last year, and I know it gets harder and harder each year to lose weight. I'm hoping that I can find the motivation and determination to get it done, and not mess it up this time. I'm really disgusted that I've been able to feel my skin touch my belt on my back lately; I think this means that I've gained weight around my love handles and perhaps they're sticking out a little further than before, and are now rubbing against my belts. And my jeans are more snug. But I refuse to buy new pants. I'm going to lose 10 pounds. It's not hard. I just need to commit, and just do it.

And come January 1, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Time does funny things to us

So it's been two weeks since I've written about my progress. Guess why that is? Yes, you guessed it. I haven't been as successful these last couple of weeks as I had been. There are many, many reasons why, but let me start with the stats.

Back on June 2, I weighed in at 129.4 pounds. The next week, I was up to 129.8, then the following week, went down to 129.6. Today, I weighed in at a solid 129.0 pounds. So my overall goal is in jeopardy. I'm about 1/2 pound behind schedule. But today, I don't care. Let me tell you why.

My life has been a whirlwind these last couple of weeks. I started a new business, baking from my kitchen and selling my treats at the local farmer's market (www.happyjackbakery.com). It's been a lot of fun, but is very time consuming. And this is affecting my diet and exercise plans. On Thursdays, I now run errands in the morning with Lila, mostly for the bakery, buying supplies and ingredients. Thursday afternoons consist of baking, so I have limited time to make dinner. But for the most part, I have been able to keep up. But then on Saturdays and Sundays, I have little time to cook, nor do I have the energy, because I'm up baking at 6 am, done around 2 or 3 pm, but have no desire at that point to cook anything. So lunches and dinners on the weekends haven't been very controllable, and when I know that I can't control what I'm eating (i.e., we're eating out or I'm just throwing something together without a recipe), I'm less inclined to try to count the calories. Not to mention, counting calories takes a lot of time, and as you can guess, I have no time. So the counting of calories has gone to the wayside, and when I'm not counting calories, I'm not losing weight. I've learned that for me, the two go hand-in-hand.

I'm also realizing, too, that on a day that I'm baking, I'm burning a lot of calories just because I'm standing for hours on end. So I've decided that I'm not going to work out any more (at least not until the farmer's market is over in September) on Thursdays, Saturdays, Sundays, or Mondays. These are days that I'm either baking, or at the market (and therefore going to my regular job extra early since I have to leave early for the market), and are therefore days that I don't NEED to exercise because my calorie burn is naturally getting up to 2300 or even 2600 sometimes, depending on the day. Not to mention, I am now working seven days a week, with no day off (four days at my "real" job, and three days on the bakery), so I figured I better lighten up on the workouts to give my body some kind of rest, or I might just keel over from exhaustion.

Anyway, the bottom line is, while I am watching, I'm not counting, so therefore I'm not trying very hard. So any loss is a big deal to me, and I'm grateful that my body is cooperating. I'll be happy if I can maintain this 129 pound weight for the rest of the summer, and then maybe try to tackle those last 4 pounds in the fall before the holidays. And I SWEAR that I'm not going to gain it all back this holiday season. The bakery business is helping me learn self-control over eating everything I bake, so hopefully that same drive will help me control myself come December.

I was a little worried

I have no statistics to share with you this week. I couldn't count calories over the long weekend, so my bodybugg stats are out of whack for this week. I can tell you, though, that on average, I burned 2391 calories per day. For the most part, on days when I'm counting calories, my intake is around 1400. But I'm certain that over that long weekend, I was probably consuming about as much as I was burning. This is why I was worried. Well, not too worried, but worried a bit. I was prepared to get on the scale this morning, and have it read the same as last week (130.6 pounds). I figured it was impossible for me to have lost weight this past week. But much to my surprise, and total happiness, I was down 1.2 pounds to 129.4. So my total weight loss since May 5 is now 6.2 pounds.

It's been a nice couple of days, too. I've had several people comment on how thin I look, including my mom, which is unusual (although I'm sure her tone of voice was more, "you're too thin, you need to eat something"). I totally appreciate these comments, and they mean a lot. But it is amazing how what we wear can make a huge difference in how we look. Personally, if you saw me naked, I don't think you'd be saying that I looked thin. I mean, not that I look fat. I think I look normal, but certainly not thin. But maybe my view of what "thin" looks like is just distorted.

At any rate, I'm sailing along happily with my new eating plan. I've been successful, and that makes all the difference in the world. It keeps me motivated to stick with it. At this rate, I will reach my goal by the end of June. And I think at that time, I can switch back to my New Year's Resolutions to maintain my weight... small portions, no nibbling, and no sweets. Now, I may not be as strict on the nibbling and sweets, but I really need to be careful and not overdo it, because it is so easy for me to stop paying attention and just eat whatever I want. But all of those cookies and desserts I make.... cookies have at least 100 calories each, and the desserts are typically about 400 calories per piece (slice of pie, etc.). Now that I know that, I think I can control myself a little bit better.

Stay tuned. I hope to have continued success that I can share with you.

Slow and steady wins the race

Calories burned: 2241

Calories consumed: 1523

Calorie deficit: 718

These numbers above are my averages for the past week. According to this, if you do the math, I should have lost 1.4 pounds, and guess what? When I got on the scale this morning, I was down 1.4 pounds from last week. That's good news, as it means that I've been accurately tracking my calories consumed, even in the wake of a lunch at Fat Head's, a dinner at Hofbrau Haus, and a lunch at my mother-in-laws where I had to guess at quantities and ingredients. And the good news on top of all of that is that I still got to enjoy a nice piece of homemade cheesecake on Sunday night, as well as a few Rice Krispy Treats over the weekend. It is amazing how, when you set your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. I didn't think I'd ever see the day when I'd be able to drop some pounds, but it's working, and I'm halfway to my goal of losing ten pounds. And it hasn't been that hard.

Now, of course, every weekend poses threats to this plan, and this upcoming long holiday weekend is no different. Friday evening, my brother and his family are coming to stay with us, and prior to arrival, they're stopping at my favorite pizza joint in Bridgeville. It will be hard to contain myself to just eating one slice, but for the sake of my diet, I need to try. I'm also going to bake them a peach custard pie, which I will have a hard time resisting a nice slice of. Sure, I'll eat a small sliver, but it will take restraint to not let that sliver turn into a big piece, which is what I'd really rather have. Then on Saturday, it's our annual day of fun in West Virginia, and for that I always make a batch of chocolate chip cookies. In addition, we're out in the middle of nowhere, with only a campfire and a cooler, so I'm very limited as to what I can actually eat, and it's hard for it all to be good for me and low in calories. Sunday and Monday are unplanned at this point, but the more days I have away from the routine of the office, the more likely I am to mess it all up.

Friday morning, I'll still be able to work out, but I suspect I might not be able to fit it in on Saturday. I'm planning to walk on Sunday morning with a friend, where I can get out early before our guests even wake up, so that I'm back in time to make everyone pancakes for breakfast. I've really been determined to make every workout burn at least 300 calories, and often that means working out for a longer period of time. But that's hard to manage when you have a house full of guests. We'll see. Hopefully I can fit it all in, because with all of the poor eating I expect to be happening this weekend, I can't afford to have poor workout habits, too. If that happens, I guarantee it ends up being a week with no weight loss, and I'm on a roll. I don't want to stifle that.

And one last note: today is treat day at the office and someone brought in donuts. Damn those donuts! I'm not giving in, I swear! But I LOVE me some donuts!!!

The math kind of worked

Today was another weigh-in day. I was up 0.4 pounds from last week, weighing in at a solid 132 today. But this was shocking to me. I've been diligently tracking my food, even on days when I thought it would be hard to account for my meals (e.g., Monday we had a catered breakfast at work where I ate some baked French toast, a piece of a frittata, a slice of bacon, and some fruit). I feel like I've estimated pretty well, or at least fairly close to what I actually ate. And my calorie burns have been fantastic.

So let's look at the numbers. Over the past 7 days, I averaged 2375 calories burned per day; 1454 calories consumed per day; which results in an average 921 calorie deficit per day. So, if you take that 921 calories per day times the 7 days, that equals 6447 calories, and if you divide that by 3500 (the number of calories in one pound of fat), you get 1.8, which is how many pounds I should have lost this past week. Yet I had a 0.4 gain.

Now, on the plus side, even though I had a 0.4 pound gain, I did lose a few tenths of a % of fat.

But remember last week, I was shocked that I lost four pounds, because the math just didn't add up. I was worried that that four pound loss wasn't real. Well, now that I weighed in this week, I can conclude that that loss wasn't real. I've stopped weighing myself every day, so I don't know what day it creeped back up a bit. But if you take into account the last 14 days statistics, the result matches where I am at this point.

For those of you interested in the mathematical details, here's what I mean. Over the last 14 days, I have had an average deficit of 776 calories. So take that 776 and multiply it by the 14 days, and you get 10,864 calories. Divide that by the 3500, and you get 3.1 pounds. So, over the last 14 days, I should have lost 3.1 pounds. And guess what I've lost, according to the number I weighed in with today? 3.6 pounds. So I'm only off by a 1/2 pound, and in the positive direction, thank goodness.

So while I normally might have been upset about not having dropped any weight this week, I knew that last week's loss was too good to be true. And I'm satisfied with a 3.6 pound loss over the course of just two weeks. I'm working out harder than usual and more often than usual; I'm trying not to miss a day or slack off at all. And I'm really sticking to maintaining an intake below 1500 calories per day. This is going well.

Talk to me again next Wednesday, after having done this for another week, and see how I'm doing. If there isn't a loss next week, and I keep up with my eating and workouts this week, I will be totally confused and frustrated. Let's hope it doesn't get to that point.

So far, so good

It's been a week now since I hopped back on this wagon. Today was the first day I stepped on the scale since last Wednesday. I was nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. What if I hadn't dropped any pounds? What if I went up in weight? I didn't think those things could possibly happen, so I was fearful of my state of mind if they did actually happen.

Fortunately, I had nothing to worry about, as I ended up losing four pounds in the past week! Yay, me! This is an enormous motivator to continue down this path. At the start of any weight loss plan, I always feel that, without a noticeable improvement early on, I tend to get defeated. I swore I wasn't going to let that happen this time, so even if I had only lost one pound, I think I would have still continued, but having lost four pounds just motivates me to keep at it more than anything else could motivate me. This loss is a symbol of what I can accomplish if I just set my mind to it. And the great thing is, it wasn't very hard. Sure, I have been hungry now and again throughout the day, but I think that for me, that's almost a requirement in order to lose weight. How can I lose weight if I never feel hungry, because I'm eating too much at each meal? That's what happened back in the spring, I think. I was eating more than I needed to, just because I could, without going over my calorie burn for the day. But as a result, it prevented me from losing much weight. Remember how much I struggled to just drop one pound? And now I've dropped four in one week!

This time around, I've decided to stick to my 1500 calorie intake goal, rather than let it fluctuate based on how much I worked out. This seems to be working. Also, back in the spring when I was more focused on just maintaing a deficit, when I had calories that I could still consume for the day, I didn't pay close attention to the make-up of those calories—I was eating more junk. But this time around, I'm paying attention. If I have calories to spare, I'm craving things like nuts, or dried fruit. I'm not craving a cookie.

But I still find it hard to resist a good cookie. So I've taken care to input my homemade cookie recipes into my bodybugg program so that I know exactly how many calories each one is. And I've discovered that most of my cookies are about 100 calories per cookie. When you're trying to stay below 1500 a day, every calorie counts, so now I'm just eating one, instead of the typical three or four I might have eaten before. Sure, I wish that I could eat more, but I'm ok with this. I still get to eat the cookie. I'm happy that I can even eat one. I'm trying to savor that goodness.

So here are some interesting statistics. My daily average calorie burn for the past week was 2270 calories. Based on my food log, my average intake was 1412 calories, which leaves me with an average deficit of 858 calories. Now, remember from posts back in the winter, one pound of fat equals 3500 calories. So, if I had a deficit of 858 for 7 days, that would equal a total deficit of 6006 calories for the last week, which equals 1.7 pounds. But I lost four pounds. So my bodybugg program does this calculation and says, ok, I know that you burned 2270 calories a day for the past week. And I know that you lost four pounds, which equals 14,000 calories. So the program says that for this statement to be true (burned 2270 calories a day, and lost four pounds, which is what my scale said this morning), my daily calorie intake could only have been 770 calories. But I know that's not true. Granted, I've really been cautious about what I've eaten. Breakfast is less than 200 calories, my lunch salad is about 150 calories, a daily apple is maybe 100 calories, yogurt is about 100 calories... these are things I eat practically every day, so breakfast, lunch, and two snacks is about 550 calories, and I'm certain that my dinners and other incidentals throughout the day are totaling more than 220 calories (the difference between 770 and 550).

I'm not sure what to make of this discrepancy. I weighed myself twice this morning. So I'm pretty certain my scale is correct. But mathematically, there's no way I could have lost four pounds. I guess I'm just going to have to chalk this one up as a mystery and not worry about it. I'm so grateful that I have a good starting point to go from today. I have a day off tomorrow, which could be dangerous, and then the weekend, which is guaranteed to tempt me in ways I can't even predict right now. And then next week, we have a catered breakfast at work one day, which will be very hard for me, as breakfast foods are my favorite foods to eat. And we're also meeting a friend for lunch at Fat Head's one day next week. For those of you not from Pittsburgh, the name alone should provide a clue that it will be very difficult for me to eat a low-calorie meal there. It will be a struggle. But I'm not going to disappoint myself by giving in, but I'm not going to deprive myself, either. I'm going to practice moderation, and I will succeed. I have to.

Day 1 really started on Wednesday

In my post on Monday, I said that "tomorrow is Day 1." Well, I'm not sure if I really meant that when I said it. Turns out that by the end of the day Tuesday, I was determined to make the next day be Day 1 of starting over on this quest to lose 10 pounds.

Wednesday morning, I woke up with new resolve. I decided that since I still have some free time left on my bodybugg online subscription, I might as well suck it up and try to count calories again. I dread counting calories, though. However, I've realized over the last few weeks that if I don't hold myself accountable to something, I don't feel the pressure to stick within the boundaries that I've set for myself. In other words, just saying, "don't eat sweets," doesn't seem to do it for me as far as getting me on a weight loss plan. It might work for maintaining my weight, but not for trying to lose. But somehow, saying I can only eat 1500 calories in a day, and then tracking it... well, that seems more concrete to me and is a goal I can meet. So as much as I hate to count, I'm trying it again.

Both on Wednesday and Thursday, I was able to stay below 1500 calories consumed. And both days, I was above my goal of burning 2000 calories (which would provide me with at least a 500 calorie deficit), so my average deficit over the two days so far as been higher. In fact, yesterday I burned 1000 more calories than I took in. Go me!

Back in the spring when I was tracking my calories using the bodybugg program, I was very lenient with what I was eating. My goal back then was to maintain a 500 calorie deficit, and not worry about how many calories I took in, as long as I burned 500 more than that. But that plan didn't really work. I barely lost the weight I was supposed to have lost (what was supposed to be one pound a week turned into maybe three pounds lost over the course of several months). So this time around, my goal is to stick to the 1500 calories a day, regardless of my burn. Then hopefully on those days when my burn is high, it will make up for the day or two that I don't work out, or that I end up eating a little more than the 1500.

According to my program at bodybugg.com, if I plan to lose one pound a week, I will have lost these 10 pounds by July 13. That's 10 weeks, or 70 days. I'm taking this one day at a time, so I'm happy to report that I've successfully made it through 2 out of 70 days. Only 68 days left. I can do this. The other good thing this time around is that I've changed my weigh-in day. I used to weigh in on Mondays, which any dieter will tell you is a hard day to weigh in. We tend to splurge a bit more on the weekends, and when you weigh in on Mondays, you don't give yourself any time to make up for the indulgences of the weekend. So hopefully this will help me to be more successful this time as well.

Lastly, I do worry about the weekends. Things at home are not structured or routine, and we tend to socialize around meals often. In fact, tonight we're going to dinner with friends, and tomorrow we're going to lunch with my in-laws. I've already planned what I'm going to order, but sometimes the situation turns me into an idiot and I make the wrong choices. I hope I don't do that this time around. I really want to lose this weight, gosh darn it.

So for anyone interested, here are my stats from the last two days:

Wednesday

Calories burned: 2373

Calories consumed: 1539

Calorie deficit: 834

Thursday

Calories burned: 2493

Calories consumed: 1447

Calorie deficit: 1046

I think I ate too much

I've been saying this a lot lately, and I'm getting kind of tired of it. But I honestly can't figure out why it keeps happening.

We went away this past weekend to visit my brother and his family in Michigan. We had a nice time, and although the trip wasn't focused on our meals, I still think I ate too much. On the way there, we stopped at Panera for lunch, and I had the chicken noodle soup and a half of a sandwich. I was so full, I don't think I needed to eat it all, but I did anyway. We had pancakes for breakfast on Saturday, and I ate two too many. For dinner, we went to a Japanese steakhouse, and although I tried not to overeat, I still did. It's hard not to when they serve you so many courses, one after the other. I didn't finish my meal, but I still ate more than was necessary. For breakfast on Sunday, we went to Bob Evans, and I ordered two pancakes and two slices of bacon. Sure, not a ton of food, but I didn't need to eat it all. Yet I still did. And coming home, it was another stop at Panera for a cup of soup and a half of a sandwich. On top of all of this, I snacked a bunch all weekend long, and I wasn't working out, so my calorie burn was low (for me) over the last three days.

Oh, and then to top it off, after we got home, Jack and I were both hungry so we indulged in a few bowls (yes, I said few) of Honey Bunches of Oats.

So back to my problem... why do I do these things? Before I eat a meal, I swear that I'm not going to overeat. Then I get in the middle of the meal, and I just keep eating. Whatever it is, I just keep going. There's usually something delicious in the meal that is so satisfying, I don't want to stop. Somehow my plan to not overeat doesn't even cross my mind, or if it does, I decide that I don't care. Then after the meal is over, I regret eating so much. So what is my problem, and how do I fix it? I realize, yet again, that if I can just get back to my original resolution for 2010, it would solve this problem. Remember my three rules? Smaller portions, no nibbling, and no sweets. It's the perfect plan. Why can't I stick to it?

Well, tomorrow is always Day 1. And I swear after tomorrow, I'm not going to be saying, "I think I ate too much."

Here we go again

Well, here I am almost a month after my last post. I have been so wishy-washy about my current weight management situation. Some days I'm up, and I'm happy about where I am, and some days I'm down (like today) and feel so depressed about it.

My post-stomach-virus weight loss didn't last, as I'm sure comes as no surprise. I'm back up to 133. Sure, it's not a terrible number, but it's not the number I want my weight to be. When I look in the mirror, I see fat. Today, I put on a pair of shorts I wear for exercising that I haven't worn in a while. I was obsessed with the way my stomach flab inched out slightly over the top of the shorts. Yes, I said slightly, and yes, I realize that some people may read that and think, "Girlfriend, be grateful it's only slightly!" But I hate it. And I hate the way my hips always look like they've got two inches of fat on each side. And I hate when I can feel my legs rub together when I walk around in my robe. Then I ask myself, "At what weight do you think all of those things would disappear?" And honestly, I bet there is no amount I could weigh where I didn't obsess about these stupid things. And yes, I realize they're stupid, and yes, I realize it's not logical, but damn it, why can't I make it stop? Why can't I look in the mirror and see a pretty woman in her early 40s? All I see is a pock-marked face that looks awful without makeup, and fat. Oh my goodness, do I need some therapy or what?

Well, let me get off that soap box and try to get my head back into reality. On the good side, I've had a few days where my calorie burn has been phenomenal. One day last week, I burned over 3000 calories in one day. That was a record for me. And it wasn't even hard to reach that point. I had an extra long workout (1.5 hours), but other than that, it was business as usual. The other good thing is that after the weekend of April 16 when Jenny and Mathias came up for a visit, I still maintained my 133 pounds after having eaten out for every meal but one.

But it is all catching up to me now. I'm still exercising as usual, but I'm thinking I might need to try, yet again, to lose some weight. I realize this can't be healthy for me, physically or emotionally, but I just haven't been feeling great lately. I think we've been eating out way too much in the last month, and that makes me feel bloated and fat, and on top of that, I've been baking a lot, which, in turn, leads to a lot of needless eating of sweets. I've often been tempted to just give up on sweets completely, but I don't know how I could possibly run a bakery business if I didn't eat sugar. I have to be able to sample my stuff.

So here we go again. I'm going to try to get back on the wagon. One day at a time, we'll see how long it will last.

I'm such a joke, aren't I? :)

A good start

I am always amazed when I have a very active day, and learn at the end of the day that I've burned more calories than I ever imagined. I had one day this past week where I burned 2700 calories! I think that's a record for me, or at least very close to my max. And, as it turns out, I was just pretty active that day. Sure, I did a workout in the morning, but nothing more strenuous than usual. But I stayed busy. I didn't sit much. I cooked dinner. I ran some errands. I find this amazing, and wish I could remember this when I'm at work. If I could just stand for half of the day, I bet I'd burn a good bit more calories than I do sitting all day.

Over the last couple of weeks, I also had a frustrating moment with one of my workouts. I have this workout that's called "500 Calorie Workout". Well, when I first got my bodybugg, I came to realize that I only burn about 400 calories doing this workout. Then one day last week, I only burned 325 calories doing that same workout. I trust my bodybugg, so I'm perplexed as to how my burn rate was so much lower this last time. I even think I used heavier weights, which, you would think, would cause me to burn more calories. Strange.

This past Friday, I actually got Jack to go outside for a walk/jog with me. I was impressed, as his stamina was much better than mine that day. It was super hot (at least it felt that way to me), and I was just dragging. But I was so proud of him for coming out with me. He's been walking/jogging on the treadmill at home, but has rarely ventured outside (to his credit, it was so cold for so long, but now it's starting to warm up). It was fun to have a partner. Speaking of partners, I think I'm going to start walking on Sunday mornings with a friend of mine that lives in the neighborhood. I'm excited for that. I like her a lot, and it will be nice to spend more time with her and get to know her better. I have another friend moving to my neighborhood this weekend, so I'm hoping that maybe I can have another walking partner, as well. I miss having a workout buddy.

So why the title of my post? Well, Friday night I came down with a stomach virus. I hate those pesky things, and thankfully, I rarely get them. This one was a doozy, but fortunately only lasted for about 8 hours. But in those 8 hours, I lost about 6 pounds! Now, I realize that a lot of that is water weight, but I'm hoping that seeing the scale measure a number below 130, I might stay motivated to really eat smaller portions and try to keep most of that weight off. So I'm off to a good start. Let's just hope I can stay on the wagon this time.

The saga continues

Average daily calorie burn over the last two weeks: 2025

Boy, have I let you down, my faithful readers—it's been a long time since my last post. For those of you still interested in what's been going on in my exercise and diet life, I shall bore you with the details. And thank you for caring enough to read.

In all honesty, the details of my diet and exercise plan for the last two weeks has been a blur. Exercising for me is fun, and I love to do it, and I'm pretty consistent with it, so the details don't really stand out in my head. I've gone to personal training each week, and I've been doing various routines at home. I tried a yoga DVD, which I liked, but I get frustrated by yoga knowing that it burns so few calories. It was a 45 minute workout, and I burned maybe 170 calories. I can burn almost twice as much as that with other 45 minute workouts, so I struggle with a commitment to yoga. I've done some outdoor walking, too, which was phenomenal. It's so awesome to get outside and breathe in that fresh air and warm sun. It's still pretty dark in the mornings around here, so I haven't gone for a morning walk/jog yet, but am planning to do so soon. I usually don't let the dark get in my way; this is more just a matter of getting back into that routine. Winter has left me too used to indoor workouts.

I'm considering ending my sessions with the personal trainer. I love going, but with my new endeavor (keep reading for more on that), I'm short on time, even more than usual; plus it's expensive, and since I'm not really watching what I eat, I'm not really getting the full benefit of personal training. So it may be time to stop.

My diet (and when I say "diet", I am referring to the way I eat, not a specific weight-loss program) has been a mess. First of all, let me mention that I'm embarking on starting a business where I sell my baked goods at a local farmer's market. I love to bake, and my goodies usually get rave reviews, so I figured why not try to make some money off of that. Well, it's a lot of work to get this rolling, and in addition, has inspired me to try new recipes and ideas, which, in turn, causes me to taste test everything I bake. Taste-testing a wide variety of baked goods practically every other day is not good for my waistline. So this endeavor will now challenge my willpower, and if I don't want to grow to be twice my size, I will need to figure out how to take a bite of a finished product to test its flavor and texture, as opposed to eating the whole thing or multiple servings.

So I've eaten a lot of sugary foods over the last two weeks, and that can't be good. And while I'm eating it, I'm loving it, but as soon as I'm done, I regret it terribly. And then I just want to work out so I can work it off. But I don't have the time for that kind of lifestyle. I barely have enough time to fit in the workouts that I do, let alone find time to fit in extra ones to work off the crap I put into my mouth.

And then on top of the sugary foods, we've eaten out much more than usual over the last two weeks. I'm not sure what that's all about, but that has to stop, too. It's expensive, not to mention fattening. I try to make good selections, but even the good selections, most of the time, are still not good for you when you eat out.

One day last week, I did weigh in at 131. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'll take it. But of course, I got on a few days later, and I was back up to 133. I'm slowly weaning myself from the habit of weighing in daily. I have found that it frustrates me more than it motivates me.

So my saga continues. In my dream world, I would still like to lose some weight, and get down to around 125 pounds. But I feel like I've tried so many different eating plans lately, and none of them have worked, nor have I been able to stick with them, I'm not really sure how I'll ever lose any more weight again. And I hate to be that pessimistic. I keep reminding myself that I was successful at this once, losing 15 pounds on Weight Watchers. But even that program, when I've gone back to try it again, has failed me. I'm still just so burned out on tracking everything. Ideally, I would find a way to eat enough calories to fuel my body while still maintaining a calorie deficit, and know what that amount of food is without tracking it. Wish me luck in finding that magic method that finally works for me.

And now I can't stop eating

I don't know what has gotten into me, but I have not been able to stop eating these last few days. And the scale is not my friend.

I weighed 131 on Saturday morning. By Tuesday morning, the scale said 134. And on Wednesday, it was 133. Those measurements all came from my old scale. My new scale's measurements were not as friendly. For whatever reason, although I went from 134 to 133 on the old scale, the new scale went from 134.0 to 134.4 between Tuesday and Wednesday. These numbers are all just driving me crazy, and the logical conclusion is to just stop weighing myself for a while. But is that wise? I don't know, but I think I'm going to try it.

And what's up with this eating? I have not eaten well for the past week. Is this a result of me deciding to stop counting and tracking what I'm eating? Maybe. Am I rebelling for all those months of hard work with what felt like not as much progress as I would have expected? Probably. I feel like I've been on a food bender, and it has to stop. But the problem is, I say this every day. And then I go to work, and there's some new sweet treat tempting me, and I give in and eat it. I think of all the months I didn't give in, and then I say to myself, screw it. I want that cinnamon bagel so bad. And then I eat it. Although I have been good about not eating whole pieces of things. Instead, I nibble. But then sometimes I nibble so much over the course of a few hours, I might as well have eaten the whole thing from the start.

Tomorrow, though, I will overcome this problem. I will eat well all day. My lunch is already packed. My snacks are packed. Tuna on a bed of lettuce with fat free dressing. Some grapes and an apple, and some Greek yogurt for snacks. Breakfast will be one serving of cereal with milk. Maybe some Wheat Chex, or Cheerios, or oatmeal. Whatever I choose, it will be good for me, and I will only eat one serving.

Where might I falter? Any time I walk past the kitchen at work. This is my problem. There's always something to snack on in there. Trail mix. Nuts. Honey pretzel twists. Chocolate. Or worse, some kind of dessert. I can say, though, that I have been doing a good job of resisting the chocolate in there. I know that if I start, I won't stop, so I've been resisting, and it's been working. I just need to do the same thing for any other treats that show up.

Another point of failure will be tomorrow evening. It's a Friday, and during Lent, I can't eat meat. We get home at 6, and I'm going to a friend's house at 7 for a ladies' happy hour. I'll have little time to eat, and it can't be meat. This is when I usually give in and just eat whatever I can get my hands on. And that's usually not the best thing for me. So I need to try super hard to only eat what I make myself for dinner, and not nibble on anything else. Then at the happy hour party, I need to resist whatever yummy appetizers or sweets she may have. That will be hard, too, because sometimes at a party, you eat just to have something to do with your hands.

Oh boy, tomorrow could be a disaster. But I'm going to try as hard as I can to not let that happen, and turn the disaster in my head into a real victory. One day at a time. I can do it.

It's nice not counting calories

Calories burned:

Wednesday 2243

Thursday 2839

Friday 1830

Saturday 2686

Sunday 2126

What a variation in calories burned for the last five days. Thursday was the highest. That's because I worked out in the morning, as well as went to a Zumba class that evening. I can see how people who have time to spend 3 hours a day at the gym can lose weight quickly and easily. It was fun burning all of those calories, but in my normal life, I typically don't have that much time to work out daily. I have much more important things to do with my time, like spend it with my daughter and husband.

Since I worked out so hard on Thursday, I decided to not work out on Friday. It's amazing how much of a difference working out makes in total calorie burn. And it's very easy to see how, if you don't exercise and don't watch what you're eating, you're likely to consume more than you burn on average, and in turn, gain weight. For me, the hard realization is that I have always been an exerciser, so during those times when I've gained weight, that meant I was consuming more than, say, 2200 calories in a day. Really? See, I find that hard to believe, but I must have been for me to have been gaining weight. I also think that now that I have the bodybugg, I tend to work out harder because I'm aware of how many calories I'm burning (or not burning).

On Sunday, I wasn't planning to work out. I plan for Sundays to be my day off, but if I can fit something in without it getting in the way of life, I try to do it. So yesterday, the sun was shining and the weather was comfortable. Around 5:00, I felt the need to get out and enjoy it. I asked Lila if she wanted to go for a walk, but she said she'd rather sit in her wagon while I pull her. So I did. That burned about 200 calories, and helped me meet my step target for the day. And boy did I need to burn some extra calories. We went to my in-law's house for lunch yesterday. Delicious pasta and grilled chicken, and the best salad ever. And then for dessert, we had the cake I made for my sister-in-law's birthday. It was awesome. But then around 9:00 pm, I had another piece. I didn't need it, and in fact, I felt yucky when I went to bed a little while later.

So this week, I'm still not counting my calories, but I am trying to be mindful of what I eat. If I lose, I lose, and if I maintain, I'll be happy with that, too. But I pray that I don't gain because that will just make me sad. So wish me luck. I'm hoping for a fantastic week!

Is this considered "giving up?"

Wow, has it really been a week since my last post? I'm surprised, and I'm frustrated. I want to write more often. Perhaps my daily posts back when I started this were a bit overambitious, but posting once a week is not what I wanted to do, either. Hopefully I can find some middle ground.

So what has gone on in the last week? Well, since last Wednesday, I've logged food for all days but the weekend, which means I was pretty well-behaved most days. My deficits for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday last week were 383, 454, and 478 calories. Not as high as I would like, but still a deficit. On Saturday, I blew it. I can't even remember what all I ate, as I ate poorly at every meal. I ate too much breakfast for starters. Then for lunch, we lucked out and had a free meal at the new Italian Oven by our house. We had a thin-crust white pizza, soup, salad, and a half of a panini. Now, we shared all of this, but I still probably ate more than I needed to. We had two teeny, small desserts, too, and shared those. After some shopping, we stopped and got good chocolate at Sarris'. Again, not a lot (two pieces), but still. Then for dinner, which I didn't think I would need after the big lunch, we had leftover pizza and salad from lunch. There was no way I could count those calories, and I find it hard to believe that I ate more than I burned that day (2227 calories), but who knows. Maybe I did.

Sunday wasn't much better. I did, at least, eat well at my meals, but I made brownies with Lila and her friend, Danielle. So I ate some batter, as well as ate a small piece after they were done. Again, did I eat more than I burned that day, which was 2399 calories? It seems hard to believe that I did, but who knows.

Now, when I weighed in on Monday morning, I was up in my weight. Seriously? Do you see why this drives me crazy? I had a deficit going into Saturday. I had a deficit of 2703 calories for the week since my last weigh-in, which is 3/4 of a pound. For me to have gone up a pound in weight from the week before, that means I would have had to have consumed those 2703 calories, PLUS consumed another 3500 (one pound in calories). There is no way that my splurges on Saturday and Sunday were comprised of that many calories.

So what's going on here? Where is my reward for the deficit that I did have earlier in the week? Why am I not seeing the scale budge along with my deficit? Is this whole deficit thing a farce? I don't think it is, but I can't explain what's going on with my body.

Which leads me to my current thinking. I'm frustrated. I have been trying since the end of October to lose some weight. I started at 135 pounds on October 26. Back then, I started tracking my calories in and out using caloriecount.com. After the holidays, I decided to get more serious about it, and I bought the bodybugg so that I really knew for sure how many calories I'm burning. But even that has not helped. I'm down to 132 pounds (well, this is what the scale said today; yesterday it said 131, and last Tuesday it said 130), so at least I did lose 3 pounds, and I'm exercising harder than I had been, doing much more strength training. The good news is that today I put on a pair of pants that I bought two summers ago when I had lost 15 pounds. These pants, when I got up to 135, were a bit snug, and looked kind of tight. But today, even after only a 3 pound loss, they fit fine, if not even a tad bit roomy. So I guess that means that my body shape has changed in some way. This is all good news.

But I'm still frustrated. Seriously, am I that much of a pig that with all the working out that I do, since October 26, I've only been able to lose 3 pounds? It seems so unbelievable, and this is why I'm frustrated. I don't want to fall off of this wagon again, but I feel it coming. I'm grateful to have the bodybugg, as I now think I will always want to be aware of my calorie burn throughout the day. It will hopefully always help inform the way I eat. But I'm tired of tracking and counting my caloric intake, especially when it seems to be making no difference. But can I fall off of that wagon and not lose control? If I'm not a slave to documenting everything I put in my mouth, will I be more likely to put things in my mouth that I shouldn't be putting in there? Now that you've gotten your mind out of the gutter, I wonder if I can be successful at all at losing more weight, or am I stuck at 132 and I need to just accept that? What would it take to lose more weight? Do I really need to eat like a bird, limiting my caloric intake to even less than 1500 calories a day, even if I'm burning 1000 calories more than that daily? But if I'm burning so many calories, and taking in so few, won't I be starving all the time? And how can that be healthy?

There is something liberating in the idea of just accepting yourself the way you are, vowing to eat healthy all the time, limiting sweets but not giving them up completely, and getting on with your life, forgetting about all of this tracking and managing. Wouldn't it be a total success if I could just do those things? The question is... can I do it? Stay tuned to find out.

A revelation, maybe?

Calories consumed: 1578

Calories burned: 2073

Calorie deficit: 495

Yesterday turned out to be a good day. I ate well. I was able to do some exercising, however, not as much as I would have liked to do. I didn't work out in the morning, so I tried to fit in a 45 minute cardio routine after dinner. About 20 minutes into it, I realized that it wasn't working. I was coughing the entire time and couldn't stop. So I fast forwarded to the less strenuous cardio part of the routine, and I was able to finish. In the end, I probably only did 25 to 30 minutes instead of the intended 45 minutes. But I was ok with that. It was better than nothing.

But on the way home from work yesterday, after having read my latest post about my measurements, my husband said he was mad at me. I asked why, and he said, "Only you could see the negative in having lost 2-1/4 inches!" And he got me thinking. And he's right. On one hand, I was grateful that I lost something, but on the other hand, I was sad that it wasn't more. This feeling, in the end, made me not nearly as elated about losing inches as you would think it should have made me feel. Why is that?

When we were on vacation recently with some of our best friends, they were trying to help me get to the bottom of my obsession with exercising and weight loss, because in their eyes, and in my husband's eyes (and probably most people's eyes, if I were to ask), there is nothing wrong with me the way I am. I'm not overweight. I'm not fat. I'm fit and healthy. Why can't I be happy with that, accept and love myself for who/what I am, and just relax about all of this stuff?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I did. Maybe if I knew, I wouldn't have this problem. All I know is that I remember feeling this way most of my life. I remember the day I realized that my butt was much wider than I ever knew it was... I had always looked at myself in the mirror sideways, never from the back. And then one day, I got out a mirror and observed, and I was shocked at how wide my bottom half was. It never looked that way from the side. How did that happen? When did that happen? I think that was the moment that started it all.

Then there is my mom. I love my mom to death. Although we argue and bicker at times, I appreciate and respect her to the utmost. She's the most kind and sweet mom you'll ever meet. I am her only daughter among her five children, and I have a figure very similar to my mom's (defined waist, large hips and thighs). All my life, she has subjected me to comments like, "When I was your age, I was X pounds; let's compare your size to what my size was back then." Or maybe comments like, "Well, you just wait until you get older! Your legs will look like this, too!" And it's funny, because when your mom tells you something, you believe it. I mean, it's your mom. Would she lie? Would she steer you wrong? Never! So I think years of these comparisons has led me to the conclusion that if I don't do something about it, I'm going to have her exact shape as I age. And I love my mom, but I don't want that for myself. I want to look just like I do now when I'm 50 or 60 or 70. I don't want to let age get in the way of me staying healthy, trim, and fit. So I feel like I'm always fighting this battle, and struggling very hard, so that as I age, I don't fall into the body that my mom fell into.

I think the question I need to ask myself is, so what if I did? Why do I care so much? Everyone I love would still love me, no matter what my size. So why does it matter? I wish I knew.

Pick yourself up again

Calories consumed: 1411

Calories burned: 2304

Calorie deficit: 893

Wow, that's an awesome deficit. I'm telling you, though, I have to find new resolve to stick with this. Although I did well yesterday with the above stats, I failed this morning when I didn't get up to work out. This cold that I've been nursing for 7 weeks now is just wearing me out. It's hard to work out when you're having trouble breathing, and I get tired more quickly when I can't breathe well, and I'm up at night coughing often, so I've been sleeping in a lot (well, sleeping in to the point that I don't have time to exercise; I still wake up at 7:00 AM, which isn't really sleeping in).

Anyway, let's talk about yesterday. I had every intention of waking up and exercising, but Lila woke me up at 5:25 AM to tell me she had a sweet dream that made her cry—sweet kid, I know. I put her back to bed, and would have normally woke up at 5:45 AM, but knowing that I would have to wake up in 20 minutes after I put her back to bed would have left me awake that whole time. So I opted to not workout, and get an extra hour of sleep. But last night, I had a personal training session, so at least I got some exercise in. However, I only burned about 210 calories for an hour of training. I guess weight lifting isn't as strenuous as aerobics, and although we do circuits where we add in cardio, it wasn't much. But 210 is better than nothing.

Last night at training, I was remeasured. My measurements are down a total of 2-1/4 inches from when I started back in December. My arms are down by 1/4 inch each, my waist by 1 inch, my hips by 1/4 inch, and my thighs by 1/4 inch each. While this is good, and I'm happy I lost something, some of the other girls that I do training with, however, have lost 2 or more inches from one spot like their hips or their waists. I'm not sure what they're doing right and I'm doing wrong to have made such great progress. Two of us are fairly equal in size, as far as our height to weight ratios, and the other two are equal, too, just in a different way, so it's not that any of us really have much to lose in the first place. I'm just surprised that some of the other girls lost more than I did. Granted, I don't really know what they're like at home, what they eat, or how much they exercise. But are they really doing that much more than me that made their results so wonderful?

So maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe, although I'm tracking my calories on most days, I'm not tracking accurately, and I'm really eating more than I think I am. Or on days when I'm not tracking, I'm overeating and not realizing it. I just don't know. And maybe I just don't work out as hard as I think I do.

But yet I persevere. I'm going to continue to try to stay on the healthy eating wagon, to lose a bit more weight, and to tone my body. I know I let these things get the better of me sometimes, but I must find a way to pick myself back up again, and try, try, try.

Struggling with it all

I don't even have calorie burns or calorie intakes to share with you. My week has been horrible. I'm really struggling right now, and I can't seem to get back on the wagon. But I have to find a way, and I will, I promise.

Monday, we ended up having to take Lila to my in-law's so she could spend the night. My mother-in-law watches her on Tuesdays, and was unable to come to our house on Tuesday this week. They live about 35 minutes away. To top it off, it was snowing, so it took a while to get home from work and get Lila, then to get out to their house. When we got there, she had made homemade chicken noodle soup, which I was extremely grateful for. I've been nursing a stuffy nose and cough for almost six weeks now, and it seems to be getting worse again, so the soup was fantastic. But, of course, in usual Lynnette style, I splurged on treats after dinner. Aren't I supposed to be watching what I eat, and didn't I give up sweets as my New Year's resolution? Why can't I stick with it? Ok, so fine, maybe it's ok that I have a sweet now and again, but give me an inch, and I will take a mile. I had a slice of a pastry bread, kind of like monkey bread. It was delicious. I went in for a small bite after I ate my slice. Then I had two pieces of chocolate. I couldn't stop.

Tuesday, we had to pick Lila up at the in-law's after work. Again, it was snowing, so it took a while to get there. Again, thankfully, my mother-in-law (who we all lovingly refer to as Bubby) made us dinner: chicken in a cranberry sauce, vegetables, and rice pilaf. But yet again, after dinner, I gave in and had 4 pieces of chocolate this time. It was too much. I could feel it. I felt miserable in the car on the way home. I just wanted to get into my comfy pants. You know that feeling, right?

Wednesday, I was going to church for Ash Wednesday shortly after we got home from work, so I barely had time to eat. Plus, no meat on Ash Wednesday. Actually, Wednesday was my best day so far this week. I was able to track my calories, as I ate everything in my bodybugg meal plan for the day, and ended up at around 1300 calories consumed. But since we were eating at Bubby's both Monday and Tuesday, and I don't know what ingredients she uses, I was unable to track my calories. And when I have a day or two where I can't track during the week, it makes me unmotivated to track anything else the rest of the week.

Even today, Thursday, I'm not tracking again. We took my niece to lunch today at Mad Mex, so there was no way I was going to be able to get the calories for my meal. So when we got home, I had several chocolate graham crackers, some with peanut butter spread on them. What is wrong with me? I can't seem to stop this insanity.

To top it off, I had a horrible weight week. When I weighed in on Monday, I was down a pound, which was great. But then on Tuesday and Wednesday, I was up by 1.2, then 1.4 pounds. Where did that come from? Now the weird thing is that today, I was back down to a few tenths of a pound below where I was on Monday. I don't understand the way our bodies gain and lose weight like that. I know it's a small amount, and I should consider it negligible, but I just wish I understood it.

I honestly can't remember what I did for workouts this week. They've been very sporadic. I remember walking/jogging on the treadmill one day. I remember yesterday, I tried to workout, but because of my cold, found I had no energy to do anything, so I ended up just taking a leisurely walk on the treadmill. Today, I was too tired, so I didn't do anything. I've considered going outside and shoveling the snow off of our deck, but I don't see that happening. So I decided to bake jack a coconut cream pie instead. The good news is that I don't like coconut, so I won't be tempted to eat any of this pie!

So that's my story for the week. I haven't had time to blog until now, and I'm struggling with keeping my goals. But as I always say, tomorrow is a new day, and I will start again. I just hope I can stick with it this time.

Not too shabby

Calories consumed: 1470+

Calories burned: 2190

Calorie deficit: 720-

On paper, my day looks good. Yesterday, I decided to try to eat what was on my bodybugg meal plan for the day. I started the day with 2 cups of oatmeal! I've never eaten that much oatmeal in one sitting before. It was a lot. But there was no morning snack planned, so that worked out well. It sustained me all morning.

Lunch was an apple, a meal-replacement bar, and a glass of milk. Surprisingly, this was plenty of food, and I felt satisfied after my meal.

For dinner, I veered off-course and made a Weight Watchers pasta dinner recipe, served with steamed broccoli and cauliflower. Shockingly, it was only 400 calories or so for my meal, which was very delicious and satisfying.

But here's where I not only veered off-course—I just about crashed and burned. I made cookies yesterday for a friend at work, who's birthday is today. It was a new recipe I hadn't tried yet; they're called Outrageous Chocolate Chip Cookies. Well, the minute I opened up the chips, I had to taste them. And then a few more. Then I made the batter, and when I was done, I had to eat what was left on the beater. Then as I was spooning the cookies onto the pans, I left some batter in the bowl, which I had to eat. I did at least count the two cookies I think I ate worth of batter, plus the 1/2 cookie I ate once they were done. But I didn't count the chocolate chips I ate. It wasn't much, maybe 50 calories worth, but I forgot to count it.

Then, after dinner, we went to my brother's house to celebrate his birthday. My sister-in-law made this fantastic apple crisp (Grant doesn't like cake, or anything that isn't wholesome and pure, as he has many food allergies, and is a health nut), served with Breyer's all natural vanilla ice cream (one of my favorites). Fortunately, I don't think there was any fat in the recipe, and I bet even the sugar was at a minimum, but I still had 1-1/2 servings, plus at least 1/2 cup of ice cream, none of which I counted. So when I say my calories consumed were 1470+, that + accounts for the chocolate chips, apple crisp, and ice cream I failed to count. Which means that my deficit of 720 was less than 720.

But all in all, I can't complain too much about the day. I was shocked at the end of the day to see that my calorie burn was 2190. I didn't work out yesterday, so I'm not sure what I did that burned that much off, but I'm grateful to have had a good burn day without even really trying. It made the chocolate splurge a little more bearable.

And then this morning, I weighed in, and I was down a pound from last week. So that's good, too. My old scale weighed me in at 131, and my new scale was 131.8. I'm calling it 131 for now, because that makes me feel better. And one last positive note, when I saw my brother last night, he said it looked like I've lost weight. That TOTALLY made my day.

Valentine's Day celebration, a day early

Calories consumed: 1956

Calories burned: 2534

Calorie deficit: 578

Wow, it is amazing how many calories you can burn by just cleaning the house for a few hours. Granted, I did Zumba yesterday morning as well (I was only in class for about 45 minutes, so that burned a little over 300 calories), but I bet I burned over 200 cleaning the house. Not too shabby.

I ended up eating a lot more than I should have yesterday. I hate that this keeps happening. Notice that if I stuck to my calorie intake goal of 1550 calories, because of my high burns, I'd have as much as a 1000 calorie deficit on some days. At that rate, I'd lose 2 pounds a week. That would make me happy.

So where did I go wrong yesterday? Well, at lunch, we had ham and cheese paninis, which I made on the Foreman grill this time, and used very little light butter on mine. Overall, this lunch wasn't bad, except for the fact that I had a cup of the pasta salad I had made for the Super Bowl. That was an extra 200 calories. It was whole wheat pasta, with a bunch of vegetables, but pasta adds up quick. It's not fair. After lunch, I was craving sweets, again, so I had a Charms Blow Pop (60 calories) out of Lila's treat basket, plus I had a Weight Watchers chocolate frosted snack cake (90 calories). So between the pasta salad and treats, I had consumed an extra 350 calories that I really didn't need.

Then dinner came. It was the day before Valentine's Day, and we knew we weren't going to be able to celebrate on Valentine's Day as a family, so we went to dinner the day before. Jack chose Chinese food, and I obliged. We always get stir-fried General Tso's chicken, so at least it's not all deep fried with breading. And then we also get a vegetable medley. Oh darn, and I forgot to count the two steamed dumplings I had. Shoot! Anyway, I tried to be mindful of how much I was eating, but in the end, I bet I ate over 800 calories in dinner. And then after we got home, I had a cup of hot cocoa, plus a few animal cookies.

I'm having such a hard time sticking to a 1500 calorie meal plan. Well, some days I am. It's so frustrating. So for the upcoming week, I'm going to try eating the bodybugg suggested meal plans, which are all designed to provide me with 1500 calories a day. This gets to be a little problematic when I still need to feed Jack and Lila with dinners (some days, the bodybugg uses a meal replacement bar for dinner, and I can't feed that to Jack and Lila). Also problematic will be Tuesday when we're most likely going to Jack's mom's for dinner. And then lastly problematic is that Lent starts this week, so I won't be able to eat meat on Wednesday or Friday. Fortunately, the Wednesday meal plan has no meat in it anyway, but I'll need to do some substituting on Friday.

So wish me luck. I'm not sure if I'll be successful or not, but I've got to try.

Almost back on the wagon

Calories consumed: 1557

Calories burned: 2159

Calorie deficit: 602

It was so nice to be back at work on Friday. Sure, I got pretty darn tired mid-afternoon, but I muddled through, and to boot, I didn't eat too poorly.

Since I had a late day personal training session on Thursday, and I went to bed late Thursday night, I decided to sleep in on Friday and not work out. But by the time we were coming home from work, I was really dreading that decision, so I decided to do an evening workout after dinner. I'm glad I did, because I ended up burning at least 300 calories doing a very old Kathy Smith step aerobics tape. Yes, it was another VHS tape. I like this workout because it builds intensity as you go through three cycles of aerobics, then you do some weight training. Then you do it again. It's about a 45 to 50 minute workout. I adjusted my step to be as high as it goes, which I don't normally do. In the prime of my time doing this video, I used to use the step without any added height, and yesterday, I added two layers of height. It was hard! But I really wanted to burn some major calories. I'm glad I did it that way.

I ate pretty well for most of the day. My only splurge came at lunch time when I had two of the Valentine's Day cookies that Lila and I had made a few days earlier. I also had a small handful of nuts. Oh, and one other small splurge came in the evening when I was craving something sweet, but also wanted something good for me. I ended up having a cup of homemade hot cocoa, made with 1 cup of skim milk, 2 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa, and a pack of Splenda. For 100 calories or so, it was pretty tasty.

So all in all, with a calorie deficit of 600 calories, I was pretty happy with the day. I was also very excited when I got home from work because my new Tanita scale had arrived. This new scales weighs in tenths of a pound (my old scale only weighs in whole numbers), and it also measures total body fat and water mass, or something like that. My water ratio is 50%. That seems to be within the normal range, but I don't really know what that means. I need to read the little book that came with it. Am I supposed to be aiming to have a higher water ratio? Or am I good just where I am?

My body fat is around 27%. That, too, is within the normal range for a 41 year old woman. I'm anxious to see if this number changes at all as I continue to attend personal training sessions, and incorporate more free weights at home. My weight is slightly different on the new scale when compared to the old scale. For instance, this morning, I was 131 on the old scale (a victory of a 1 pound loss, according to that scale), but on the new scale, I was 132.2. I know this seems like such a minor difference, and it is, but at the same time, when I am struggling to lose each and every ounce, differences like this matter a lot to me. So for the sake of my bodybugg program, I will continue to weigh in using my old scale, but I will be tracking my weight with my new scale as well.

I know, I know. I'm insane.

Let's hear it for small victories

Calories consumed: 2021

Calories burned: 2697

Calorie deficit: 676

I burned a lot of calories yesterday. The most frustrating part about that, though, is that for all that hard work, I couldn't keep my cravings at bay. Had I kept to 1500 calories consumed for the day, I would have been another 500 calories ahead of the game. That would have made up for my splurge on Tuesday. But as it stands, I splurged a bit yesterday, too, so I'm still not out of the woods yet for staying on track this week. And that's just to stay on track for the week and lose one pound. I still need to try to find a way to make up the other two pounds I still need to lose to stay on track with my goal of losing 10 pounds by March 21.

I worked out yesterday morning when I got up. I did a 40 minute Kathy Smith kickboxing workout. I have this workout on VHS, believe it or not. Thank goodness my VCR still works and the tape hasn't been ruined. I really like this workout. It burns a lot of calories, and it's fun. After that, I did a 13 minute stability ball ab routine. I burned over 300 calories with this combo.

Later that evening, I had a personal training session where I burned another 250 calories or so. It was a tough session, as they always are, but I love pushing myself. I know that it's paying off, and it's fun. I love the girls that I do training with.

My meals, though, left much to be desired. I had cereal and milk for breakfast, and skipped my morning snack, unless you count the cup of hot chocolate that I got from the coffee shop and split with Lila. For lunch, we had grilled ham and cheese paninis (light cheese, mind you). But after lunch, I had a cookie (100 calories in one cookie... drat!). And then we put together Lila's Valentine's Day treat bags for her friends at school. We bought a bag of mini peanut butter cups and mini Kit Kats—two of my favorite treats! So, I had three peanut butter ups and two Kit Kats. This was about 250 calories. It was good, but what a waste! And then after dinner (chicken quesedillas), I had a few fruit-flavored Mentos. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess.

So if you were wondering what I wish I hadn't eaten yesterday, it would have been the chocolate, the cookie, and the Mentos. Why did I give in? Well, I did start my monthly cycle yesterday, and that always comes with the need for sugar, especially chocolate. But really, why did I sabotage my diet yet again? I don't understand why I can't control this, and why the sugar always seems to control me.

I did have one minor victory yesterday, though. I found a new recipe for chocolate chocolate-chip cookies, and I really wanted to bake them yesterday. As hard as it was to resist, I didn't bake. I focused my time and energy on other things, and forgot all about it. So yay me! I'll take any small victory!

Strong urges

Calories consumed: 1564

Calories burned: 2152

Calorie deficit: 588

So Wednesday turned out to be a little better. I was able to keep my calories in check by refraining from too much junk. But somehow, my three goals for healthy eating have just gone out the door this week. I'm so off track, it's not even funny. I'm behind by 500 calories. You know, the formula is to have a total deficit of 3500 calories for the week, as that will equal one pound of weight loss. But because I ate so poorly on Tuesday, and actually had a surplus, I'm behind by 500 calories. I'm not sure how I'm going to make this up, as it just will require me to work out more, and that means needing to find the time to do so. This is so hard.

Anyway, on Wednesday, we were home yet again due to the inclement weather. I worked out in the morning by doing a weight routine that burns a decent amount of calories, followed by a 20 minute cardio routine. I also spent some time shoveling snow—again.

My breakfast was normal, lunch was good (tuna on a light, whole wheat slice of toast, plus a bowl of Progresso light soup), and dinner was small (hamburger, no bun, pasta salad, and green beans). But at that point, I had eaten so few calories that I was pretty hungry at 7:00 pm, so I had some popcorn. A little while later, still hungry and very munchy, I had some handfuls of Cocoa Puffs. I can't wait until those are out of the pantry. They're addicting.

If I could change one thing about yesterday, I wouldn't have eaten the Cocoa Puffs. Did I really need them? No. I had the munchies, I wanted to eat something sweet and chocolately, and that didn't have a lot of calories. This was a perfect match, but in the end, I still didn't need it. I don't know what happens to me. Somehow, I let this urge to eat sweets rule my life. It takes over my brain and all of my logical thinking; it gets past the dreaded thoughts of what I'll look like some day if I continue to eat sweets in this manner. I have to find a way to overrule that part of my brain. I guess the problem is that on some days, I care less about how I'll look, and care more about how good that piece of chocolate is going to taste. But I don't know how that's possible when I obsess as much as I do about the way I look now and in the future. It must be a pretty strong urge to eat sweets to get past my obsession about gaining weight. And how do you curb such a strong urge? I wish there was a solution to that question. Right now, I'm not feeling it.