My workouts are still going strong. I wish I could be as strong in my food choices all these weeks later as I am with my workouts. But working out has always been easy for me. I'm always motivated to do it. I don't know why. I don't really know what my motivation is. Is it to be healthy? Well, sure, I think so. Is it to be fit? Yes, definitely. But really, in the end, I think I do it because it makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel strong and empowered. I wish I had those feelings about eating well. I wish eating well fueled all those endorphins like exercise does. It would be much easier to stick with it.
Another good thing... on Easter, my husband took a photograph of me and my daughter. I haven't seen a full-length photo of me in a long time, so I was very surprised to see a "me" that I actually liked, and that I actually thought looked skinny. I have never said those words about myself ever in my life, I don't think. So I look at that picture and wonder, "Is this how everyone else always sees me? No wonder they think I'm nuts when I tell them that I need to lose weight." But then I still look at my thunder thighs and think that I'm very lucky that I can hide those under a nice, slimming pencil skirt. I'm just an idiot. Why can't I leave well-enough alone, and appreciate how far I've come, rather than focus on what I still think is wrong with me? I'm so grateful that my six-year-old daughter doesn't know how to find my blog page, because I would never want her knowing that Mommy thinks of herself this way. I always want my daughter to have a positive self-image, and I want her to feel beautiful no matter what size she is. I just wish I could do the same for myself.
So lastly, on to the crap I ate today. I did it again. I was trying so hard to be good, but I got hungry long before lunch, and long after I ate my morning apple snack. Then after work, we went to dinner. And then I ate sweets. Here's the damage from the day, all told.
Breakfast
-1 serving of Cheerios with 6 oz. skim milk
-1 banana
Snack
-1 apple
-10 almonds
Lunch
-mixed greens salad with light balsamic vinaigrette, with carrots, tomatoes, and strawberries
-2 oz. turkey deli meat on 1 slice of light wheat toast with 1 slice of light provolone cheese, melted
-1 serving of low-salt potato chips
-a few bites of my husband's Klondike bar
-1 little Snickers chocolate square
-1 little Butterfingers square
Snack
-6 oz. fat free greek yogurt with 2 packs of Splenda
Dinner
-a "cup" of wedding soup, but I bet it was closer to 2 cups of soup
-grilled chicken on a bed of greens with a fig balsamic vinaigrette (also on the salad were tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers, fontina cheese, plus these little fried onion strands)
-a slice of bread (which I tried to resist, but gave in and ate at the end of the meal)
Dessert at home
-1/2 of a peanut butter egg that my daughter made with my mom
-a handful of gummie bunnies
I gave up counting points after my yogurt snack. I should probably go back and try to do it, but it sometimes overwhelms me trying to figure out points for things I have no idea how they were prepared.
This weekend is going to be tough, too. It's hubby's birthday on Sunday, and daughter has lots of meals planned, plus there will be cake (which I'll be baking). I should just starve myself tomorrow in preparation (just kidding).
So how bad does my day of crappy eating compare to yours? Would you qualify what I ate today as a day of crappy eating? Am I being too hard on myself? I suspect I often am, but I can't seem to make it stop.
I did not read your items eaten, but I already know you are too hard on yourself! I recommend reading an excellent post from a blog I follow. It is about women not loving themselves as they should.
ReplyDeletehttp://law-momma.com/?p=826
And, yes, you do look great (though a little mad, I thought). I totally understand the thigh thing. I have accepted my large butt, but for some reason cannot say the same for my thighs. In the grand scheme of things, though, it really does not matter, so remember that (but I still support your wanting to eat well and lose weight).