A while ago, I found a fitness blog that seemed interesting to me. It was called The Great Fitness Experiment. The woman who writes that blog has dedicated herself to fitness, and trying out all kinds of fitness programs, and reporting back to her readers on how the plans worked for her. She also has gigs writing for Shape magazine and others like that. I find her credible and funny, and very candid and not afraid to share. I like that. It's very honest.
Anyway, several months ago, I read a review that she wrote for a new book by Rachel Cosgrove. I had never heard of Rachel Cosgrove, but apparently she is a fitness guru who owns a gym in California, and she seems to be quite popular. How I had never heard of her baffles me, but on with the story. Charlotte, the blogger, didn't like Rachel's new program, but she raved about one that she had done years earlier. So I read Charlotte's old post from when she did the old program, and I was intrigued. I ended up buying Rachel's old book, The Fit Female Breakthrough, and started reading it.
It took me a while to get through it (life is always so busy!), but I finally finished it while on vacation back in July. The book is for women, clearly from its title. The book's philosophy focuses on heavy weight training, and how to eat to fuel your body. I started the program three weeks ago, and I really enjoy the workouts. I do weight training three days a week, and this week, my third week, I added in a day of cardio. The book talks about how the typical steady-state cardio that a lot of people do at the gym (treadmill, elliptical, or even running that you do outdoors) are not efficient ways to work your body to lose weight. Instead, the cardio you do in this book is very metabolic. I think of it more as calisthenics. Burpees, mountain climbers, spider mans, jump squats, etc. You do them in circuits, so for the first two weeks, you do each exercise for 30 seconds each, with 30 seconds of rest in between.
The eating part of the program focuses on eating a protein and a vegetable/fruit at every meal, including each snack. And you're allowed 4 splurges per week. Also, you're supposed to eat breakfast within 15 minutes of waking up every day, in order to keep your metabolism stoked. And you're supposed to have a protein shake within 15 minutes of your weight workouts. In addition, you're supposed to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water every day. And you're supposed to eat every three to four hours. The big kickers are no wheat, no added sugar, and no processed foods (except in your splurges, I guess).
In all honesty, that last sentence hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. So often, I was feeling so miserable after eating, and I was unsure what was causing it. I'd get this pain in my intestines, almost gas-like, but not quite. Maybe crampy? I don't know. Whatever it was, I didn't like it, and I always felt bloated and uncomfortable. But since I started this plan, I haven't really felt that way, and I don't feel bloated anymore. I have splurged each week, probably more than my four allowed times. Some splurges are not worth it. I was at an out-of-town wedding last weekend, and really couldn't control a lot of what I had available to eat. After our drive home last Sunday, I felt miserable. It was all from the food. Amazing. Today, I was pouring my daughter a bowl of cereal, and I decided to taste it (it was Vanilla Honey Bunches of Oats, which sounded delicious), and I was a bit grossed out. It just didn't taste good. It tasted fake. Not like real food. So if anything, I'm happy about the change in my taste buds.
I've been eating oatmeal for breakfast when my breakfast isn't a protein shake. I love oatmeal, and I usually put some fruit in it (blueberries are my favorite). You would think after three weeks, I wouldn't miss the sugar anymore, but no. I still miss it terribly. I'd love to put a spoonful of brown sugar in there, but alas, I don't. I just try to appreciate the texture and flavor of the oatmeal on its own.
Other meals have been ok. The book says not to worry about your good-fat intake, so I've not cut back on that sort of thing. For instance, I make my own salad dressing, and it's a full-fat olive oil dressing. I only use 2 tablespoons with my salad, and I have that for lunch Monday through Friday. When I'm home for lunch, I make a panini using olive oil instead of butter on my bread. I use low-fat cheese, and usually turkey (lunchmeat without nitrites), on sprouted grain bread (this is low on the glycemic index, so is acceptable on this plan). Dinners are always a low-fat protein of some sort...fish, pork, lean ground beef, top sirloin, chicken...a vegetable, and a starch (non-wheat, like brown rice, potatoes, or a rice pasta).
I've been really good at resisting the treats that people bring in to work, and like I said, I haven't splurged much (although it's probably been more than the allotted four times each week).
Why am I telling you all of this? Because after my first week, I was down a pound. After my second week, I was up a pound. Really? Now, granted, Rachel tells you in the book that you may not see the number on the scale change, but you will be able to tell that you're changing the shape of your body based on how your clothes are fitting. And I think I'm ok with that. But somehow, I'm still disturbed by the lack of movement on the scale. I think what bothers me is that my fat % didn't go down. If my fat % went down (which would mean that my muscles were growing), but my weight stayed the same, I'd be ok with that. But when it's all not budging, well, then I wonder if what I'm doing is working.
But then I think of Charlotte, and how successful she was on the program. And how much she raved about the program. And how other readers of hers raved about the program, and how quickly they saw results. And here I am after week three, and I am barely noticing any changes. In fact, the only change I notice is that I'm not as bloated. Am I stronger? I don't know. Am I leaner? I don't know. My scale doesn't say so. Do I feel better about the food I'm putting in my body? Yes. Do I miss my bowls of cereal? Absolutely. I'm looking forward to the day that I don't miss that anymore. Missing it means I'm going to be tempted by it. And if I am just maintaining my weight by eating mostly what I'm supposed to, I can't afford to be tempted by it. There is no room for error here.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to lately in my month or so since I last wrote. I'll be checking my measurements after the end of my first phase, which ends after week four. We'll see if there's been any change. Wish me luck.
Has anyone out there ever tried this Rachel Cosgrove program? And if so, were you successful? Is there hope if I just stick it out?
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
I'm a jerk
I discovered today that I'm a jerk.
This afternoon, I went to a picnic with some other 40-somethings... men and women. Some are parents. Some are not. Some are married. Some are not. When I arrived, we were greeted by an old friend, male. It has been a few years since we last saw him, and while my first thought was, "give me a big hug, I've missed you," my second thought was, "huh, he gained weight since the last time we saw him." I'm a jerk, right? Then I wondered, what is he thinking about me? What about me has changed for the worse since the last time we were together? Are my hips bigger? Did my butt grow two sizes? Do I look old?
These are the thoughts that go through my head when I interact with people, especially people that I don't see on a regular basis. But even the ones that I see on a regular basis, sometimes I think, "How can you stand being that heavy? Isn't that uncomfortable? How do you go to the bathroom?" Shallow, right? See, I told you that I'm a jerk.
Most of the other people at the picnic today were people I didn't know. They all were perfectly nice, but you know what my first thought was when I met each of them? Yup, you guessed it. "Huh, you're a little chubby."
What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I so hung up on people's physical appearance? Although I am hung up on it, I don't like anyone any less because of their weight, height, or appearance. In fact, I bet that I see beauty in people that other people find it hard to see. But these are just things I notice. It works in the other direction, too. And of course, with those people I wonder, "How does he/she stay so thin? I see all those cookies they're eating." And soon, that turns to, "it's just not fair" and "why can't I eat whatever I want and stay thin like that, too?"
Am I so critical of other people's appearance because I'm so critical of my own appearance (all of those things I thought about everyone else today, I also think about myself)? Or is it the other way around? Or doesn't it matter? Am I just a jerk and an idiot? The women I met today seemed to be so comfortable in their own, imperfect bodies. Why can't I have that confidence? But I also wonder, "don't they know how terrible they look in those clothes that don't fit their bodies right?" I want to have confidence, but I also want to look good, no matter what my size. Why? I don't know. Am I vain? How did I get this way? And the better question is how do I keep from passing this ridiculousness on to my daughter? I don't want her to be like me. I want her to see the world through eyes that don't notice the imperfections on others or herself. I want her to love herself, and be confident. How do I teach her that when I can't do it myself?
This afternoon, I went to a picnic with some other 40-somethings... men and women. Some are parents. Some are not. Some are married. Some are not. When I arrived, we were greeted by an old friend, male. It has been a few years since we last saw him, and while my first thought was, "give me a big hug, I've missed you," my second thought was, "huh, he gained weight since the last time we saw him." I'm a jerk, right? Then I wondered, what is he thinking about me? What about me has changed for the worse since the last time we were together? Are my hips bigger? Did my butt grow two sizes? Do I look old?
These are the thoughts that go through my head when I interact with people, especially people that I don't see on a regular basis. But even the ones that I see on a regular basis, sometimes I think, "How can you stand being that heavy? Isn't that uncomfortable? How do you go to the bathroom?" Shallow, right? See, I told you that I'm a jerk.
Most of the other people at the picnic today were people I didn't know. They all were perfectly nice, but you know what my first thought was when I met each of them? Yup, you guessed it. "Huh, you're a little chubby."
What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I so hung up on people's physical appearance? Although I am hung up on it, I don't like anyone any less because of their weight, height, or appearance. In fact, I bet that I see beauty in people that other people find it hard to see. But these are just things I notice. It works in the other direction, too. And of course, with those people I wonder, "How does he/she stay so thin? I see all those cookies they're eating." And soon, that turns to, "it's just not fair" and "why can't I eat whatever I want and stay thin like that, too?"
Am I so critical of other people's appearance because I'm so critical of my own appearance (all of those things I thought about everyone else today, I also think about myself)? Or is it the other way around? Or doesn't it matter? Am I just a jerk and an idiot? The women I met today seemed to be so comfortable in their own, imperfect bodies. Why can't I have that confidence? But I also wonder, "don't they know how terrible they look in those clothes that don't fit their bodies right?" I want to have confidence, but I also want to look good, no matter what my size. Why? I don't know. Am I vain? How did I get this way? And the better question is how do I keep from passing this ridiculousness on to my daughter? I don't want her to be like me. I want her to see the world through eyes that don't notice the imperfections on others or herself. I want her to love herself, and be confident. How do I teach her that when I can't do it myself?
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Cholesterol
I had bloodwork done a couple of months ago. I was due. It had been over three years since the last time I had my cholesterol checked. The last time, my doctor said it was high, but that my HDL was really, really good, so he wasn't concerned. This time around, though, my LDL was also high, and my doctor (different from last time) told me that I need to go on a low-fat diet (this is kind of ironic, because I do eat low-fat foods when I can).
I listened to her for about the first week. Then I quit trying.
I always quit trying. And then I hate myself. And then I see myself with probably 40 pounds more than I have on my body. I just can't seem to see myself the way the rest of the world sees me. I don't understand it. I don't know why I'm flawed this way.
So what do I do about this high cholesterol thing? I want to eat better than I do. I really do. I eat pretty well, for the most part, but often I just throw in the towel and give up trying. Sometimes it's just too hard to do it right all the time. There's not enough time. I don't have enough energy. I've contemplated calling a nutritionist. What I really want is someone that I can talk to. I want to tell them this:
I like to work out. I'm not afraid to lift heavy weights. My goal is to weigh 125 pounds, and be very toned. But I also like to eat. Here's the foods I like to eat: chicken, hamburgers, pasta, mexican, chinese, italian, cheese, cereal, apples, bananas, grapes, avocado, tomatoes, green beans, rice, etc., etc. Can you help me to create a meal plan using the foods I love that will help me to lose weight at a rate of 1 to 2 pounds per week? Provide me with recipes for foods I like and can actually prepare, and that actually taste good. Help me determine how much cardio and weight training I need to be doing every day to reach my goal.
This seems like a simple request, right? I'm sure it's run-of-the-mill normal stuff for most nutritionists. I just need to be willing to pick up the phone and call someone. Life gets so busy, and I put this on the back burner. But every day that I do that is another day that I hate my body. I continue to sabotage myself by throwing caution to the wind and just eating mindlessly.
And then my age... I'm 44 years old. I feel like, yet again, my body is going through changes. It's just getting harder and harder to maintain my weight. I'm not succeeding at this. Every week that I get on the scale, it's up again. Maybe just a tad, but a tad every week will result in 10 pounds by the end of the year, and that will just devastate me.
I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I am so busy, with so much to do, and I shouldn't be spending my time writing this blog entry. But here I am anyway. It's mini therapy, kind of.
Anyway, before I go, here is my positive thing for the day—the thing I like about my body: I think I can wear clothes well. I know what looks best on me, and I know what flatters my figure. I think that most people see me as a thin, petite woman because I know how to hide my flaws. So I'll leave it at that, before I go all negative again. I like the way I look in most clothes I own. Yay!
I listened to her for about the first week. Then I quit trying.
I always quit trying. And then I hate myself. And then I see myself with probably 40 pounds more than I have on my body. I just can't seem to see myself the way the rest of the world sees me. I don't understand it. I don't know why I'm flawed this way.
So what do I do about this high cholesterol thing? I want to eat better than I do. I really do. I eat pretty well, for the most part, but often I just throw in the towel and give up trying. Sometimes it's just too hard to do it right all the time. There's not enough time. I don't have enough energy. I've contemplated calling a nutritionist. What I really want is someone that I can talk to. I want to tell them this:
I like to work out. I'm not afraid to lift heavy weights. My goal is to weigh 125 pounds, and be very toned. But I also like to eat. Here's the foods I like to eat: chicken, hamburgers, pasta, mexican, chinese, italian, cheese, cereal, apples, bananas, grapes, avocado, tomatoes, green beans, rice, etc., etc. Can you help me to create a meal plan using the foods I love that will help me to lose weight at a rate of 1 to 2 pounds per week? Provide me with recipes for foods I like and can actually prepare, and that actually taste good. Help me determine how much cardio and weight training I need to be doing every day to reach my goal.
This seems like a simple request, right? I'm sure it's run-of-the-mill normal stuff for most nutritionists. I just need to be willing to pick up the phone and call someone. Life gets so busy, and I put this on the back burner. But every day that I do that is another day that I hate my body. I continue to sabotage myself by throwing caution to the wind and just eating mindlessly.
And then my age... I'm 44 years old. I feel like, yet again, my body is going through changes. It's just getting harder and harder to maintain my weight. I'm not succeeding at this. Every week that I get on the scale, it's up again. Maybe just a tad, but a tad every week will result in 10 pounds by the end of the year, and that will just devastate me.
I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I am so busy, with so much to do, and I shouldn't be spending my time writing this blog entry. But here I am anyway. It's mini therapy, kind of.
Anyway, before I go, here is my positive thing for the day—the thing I like about my body: I think I can wear clothes well. I know what looks best on me, and I know what flatters my figure. I think that most people see me as a thin, petite woman because I know how to hide my flaws. So I'll leave it at that, before I go all negative again. I like the way I look in most clothes I own. Yay!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
No time to read
I have had zero free time to myself to get any further reading done in my Rachel Cosgrove book. I'm bummed, because I really do feel like I need a swift kick in the pants to get my diet back in order (by diet, I don't mean the kind that helps you lose weight; I just mean the eating-right-on-a-regular-basis diet). But alas, when 8:30 at night rolls around and I'm finally sitting down, we actually engage in our nightly ritual of watching some TV before my daughter goes off to bed. It's weird, but when one of us is in the room, but not engaged in the show we're watching, it changes the dynamic of the experience of "family time", as we call it, so I don't like to read or anything else during that time. Anyway, once the kid goes off to bed and it's about 9:30, I then want to enjoy some TV watching with my hubby. So the moments I have to squeeze in time for reading a book are few and far between, unless I want to (and actually can) stay up late. Which I usually don't want to do since I get up at 5:45 am to go to the gym most mornings.
And so the cycle continues.
I weighed myself today. 138.8 pounds. I'm up almost 2 pounds from where I was last week when I weighed in. I honestly don't know what goes on in my body. I wish that I truly understood all of the molecular things going on in there because I just find it hard to believe that with what I eat and the working out that I do regularly, I still gain weight.
So what did I eat yesterday? Well, breakfast was a delicious bowl of oatmeal with some blueberries and packet of Truvia. I was too busy for a snack in the morning. Then I went to lunch at Mad Mex. I love Mad Mex, and this time I ordered wisely and got the grilled chicken salad. Of course, we had chips to start off, and I probably ate more than I should have, but seriously, don't we all? And does everyone perpetually gain 2 pounds every week? I would think not. This is when I get all "woe is me" and think that I'm the only one this happens to.
Anyway, my salad was great. Not too much chicken, a scant serving of melted cheese, and half of an avocado. I got the dressing on the side, and used probably the normal 2 tablespoons serving size.
Back at the office, I had 2 mini Reese's peanut butter cups for dessert. Then later for a snack, I had a blueberry Greek yogurt, and maybe 4 little honey braided pretzel sticks.
For dinner, I had a 3-oz. lean hamburger on a bun, no cheese, vegetarian baked beans, and a small serving of boxed mac-n-cheese (organic, mind you). For dessert, I had a 60-calorie popsicle. When I got hungry later, I made some air-popped popcorn with 1 tablespoon of melted butter.
So you tell me, since this was a fairly typical day of eating, does a diet like this sound like the kind of diet that is going to make someone that works out 5 to 6 days a week gain weight? I don't think it does. But it does. So apparently, for as knowledgeable as I think I am in the world of nutrition and health, I don't know as much as I think I know. Or I am in so much denial that I can't see the bad in my regular diet, maybe because I don't want to change my eating habits. I don't know.
Anyway, let me move on to something positive. I've been lifting weights at the gym for almost four months now. I really enjoy this form of exercise. Just recently, I realized that I can't continue to let the cardio workouts take a backseat (I was only doing them maybe twice a week if I was lucky), so I've been trying to do 25 minutes each day of cardio, then about 20 minutes of lifting. I really feel good about this routine. My cardio is hard. I sweat, and I like the way that makes me feel. I sweat when I lift, too, because I'm lifting heavy. At least it is heavy for me. I do 15-pound bicep curls with free weights. Same for chest flys (or is that flies?). Triceps aren't as strong, so I probably do 10-pound free weights for those. My legs are strong, so I can do 20 or 25 pounds in each hand for squats. My shoulders are sensitive so I never try to push them too much. They're in that range, too. But all this muscle building makes me feel strong, and I like to feel strong.
So today's thing I like about my body: my strength. Yay, me!
And so the cycle continues.
I weighed myself today. 138.8 pounds. I'm up almost 2 pounds from where I was last week when I weighed in. I honestly don't know what goes on in my body. I wish that I truly understood all of the molecular things going on in there because I just find it hard to believe that with what I eat and the working out that I do regularly, I still gain weight.
So what did I eat yesterday? Well, breakfast was a delicious bowl of oatmeal with some blueberries and packet of Truvia. I was too busy for a snack in the morning. Then I went to lunch at Mad Mex. I love Mad Mex, and this time I ordered wisely and got the grilled chicken salad. Of course, we had chips to start off, and I probably ate more than I should have, but seriously, don't we all? And does everyone perpetually gain 2 pounds every week? I would think not. This is when I get all "woe is me" and think that I'm the only one this happens to.
Anyway, my salad was great. Not too much chicken, a scant serving of melted cheese, and half of an avocado. I got the dressing on the side, and used probably the normal 2 tablespoons serving size.
Back at the office, I had 2 mini Reese's peanut butter cups for dessert. Then later for a snack, I had a blueberry Greek yogurt, and maybe 4 little honey braided pretzel sticks.
For dinner, I had a 3-oz. lean hamburger on a bun, no cheese, vegetarian baked beans, and a small serving of boxed mac-n-cheese (organic, mind you). For dessert, I had a 60-calorie popsicle. When I got hungry later, I made some air-popped popcorn with 1 tablespoon of melted butter.
So you tell me, since this was a fairly typical day of eating, does a diet like this sound like the kind of diet that is going to make someone that works out 5 to 6 days a week gain weight? I don't think it does. But it does. So apparently, for as knowledgeable as I think I am in the world of nutrition and health, I don't know as much as I think I know. Or I am in so much denial that I can't see the bad in my regular diet, maybe because I don't want to change my eating habits. I don't know.
Anyway, let me move on to something positive. I've been lifting weights at the gym for almost four months now. I really enjoy this form of exercise. Just recently, I realized that I can't continue to let the cardio workouts take a backseat (I was only doing them maybe twice a week if I was lucky), so I've been trying to do 25 minutes each day of cardio, then about 20 minutes of lifting. I really feel good about this routine. My cardio is hard. I sweat, and I like the way that makes me feel. I sweat when I lift, too, because I'm lifting heavy. At least it is heavy for me. I do 15-pound bicep curls with free weights. Same for chest flys (or is that flies?). Triceps aren't as strong, so I probably do 10-pound free weights for those. My legs are strong, so I can do 20 or 25 pounds in each hand for squats. My shoulders are sensitive so I never try to push them too much. They're in that range, too. But all this muscle building makes me feel strong, and I like to feel strong.
So today's thing I like about my body: my strength. Yay, me!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Father's Day is bad for my health
Boy, did I eat like crap yesterday.
It was Father's Day, so I wanted to treat my hubby to anything he wanted. I told him I'd like to take him out to breakfast. He was thrilled. So we met up with his parents at The Beach House out in Finleyville. We love it there. They have such a variety of breakfast foods. I opted for The Sand Dollar, which was two pancakes (which are huge), home fries, and bacon. I had water to drink. I only ate one pancake, and half of my potatoes, and I didn't quite finish the bacon. But still. It was a lot of food. And none of it was good for me.
Then for lunch, we went to a graduation party where all of the food was homemade. It was all good. Since we had such a big breakfast, I wasn't starving, so I didn't overdo it. I had one stuffed cabbage roll, one small meatball, some haluski, and one peirogie (how in the world do you spell that word??). While it wasn't much, it was more of the same from breakfast. Fattening, greasy, floury food.
For dinner, I had suggested to Jack that I make magic chicken (that's his term for it; it's breaded chicken, baked in the oven, that you dip in garlic butter before dipping it in the breadcrumb mixture which has parmasean and cheddar cheese in it), and he was excited about that. Then he also asked for homemade macaroni and cheese. Plus I knew I needed to make him dessert, so I made a strawberry pie. I added some broccoli with olive oil to get something somewhat healthy in there. But the chicken—oh my! There was a whole stick of butter that coated 8 pieces of chicken. It felt so indulgent. And the macaroni and cheese! I'm not one for buying processed cheese spread, but you can't go wrong with Velveeta in your mac and cheese. It was a delicious dinner, and dessert, but again, here I was eating more fattening, greasy, floury food.
So how did I feel by the end of the day regarding what I ate? I felt crappy. The pancake was good while it was going down, but the egg frittata that my mother-in-law ordered looked equally as good, and probably would have been better for me with all the protein and vegetables in there. But I am always suckered in by the lure of a big, fluffy pancake with syrup. I'm not a crazy syruper. I like to put just enough on to wet the pancake. But these pancakes suck it up, so I end up having to use more than I like. And then while I was making dinner, and realizing how fattening the meal was ending up, I was just depressed, as there was no turning back at that point. I wanted to make Jack happy. And sure, I was happy, too, as it tasted delicious going down. But then later, when I thought about what the scale is going to say on Thursday for my weekly weigh-in, I got depressed.
Grrrrr. I hate this.
But I did go to the gym this morning. I like going to the gym. I feel good about myself. I try to work hard. I've been doing about 25 minutes of cardio, followed by 15 minutes of weight lifting. I try to do this six days a week. You would think this routine would help keep the pounds off, but alas, it doesn't. Perhaps this is "the change" starting in my body. I don't know. If it is, it stinks, and I'm mad at it. If it isn't, and it's going to get worse in 5 more years, I really better get my butt in shape so that I have room to gain a few without feeling even worse about my weight than I do now.
What do I love about my body today? Well, I guess I'm going with my haircut. At a graduation party on Saturday, I must have had 10 people comment to me about how cute of a cut it was on me. Surely all 10 weren't just saying that to be nice, right? And some comments came from people I hadn't seen in ages that didn't really owe me a compliment or anything. It was a nice surprise. That made me feel good.
It was Father's Day, so I wanted to treat my hubby to anything he wanted. I told him I'd like to take him out to breakfast. He was thrilled. So we met up with his parents at The Beach House out in Finleyville. We love it there. They have such a variety of breakfast foods. I opted for The Sand Dollar, which was two pancakes (which are huge), home fries, and bacon. I had water to drink. I only ate one pancake, and half of my potatoes, and I didn't quite finish the bacon. But still. It was a lot of food. And none of it was good for me.
Then for lunch, we went to a graduation party where all of the food was homemade. It was all good. Since we had such a big breakfast, I wasn't starving, so I didn't overdo it. I had one stuffed cabbage roll, one small meatball, some haluski, and one peirogie (how in the world do you spell that word??). While it wasn't much, it was more of the same from breakfast. Fattening, greasy, floury food.
For dinner, I had suggested to Jack that I make magic chicken (that's his term for it; it's breaded chicken, baked in the oven, that you dip in garlic butter before dipping it in the breadcrumb mixture which has parmasean and cheddar cheese in it), and he was excited about that. Then he also asked for homemade macaroni and cheese. Plus I knew I needed to make him dessert, so I made a strawberry pie. I added some broccoli with olive oil to get something somewhat healthy in there. But the chicken—oh my! There was a whole stick of butter that coated 8 pieces of chicken. It felt so indulgent. And the macaroni and cheese! I'm not one for buying processed cheese spread, but you can't go wrong with Velveeta in your mac and cheese. It was a delicious dinner, and dessert, but again, here I was eating more fattening, greasy, floury food.
So how did I feel by the end of the day regarding what I ate? I felt crappy. The pancake was good while it was going down, but the egg frittata that my mother-in-law ordered looked equally as good, and probably would have been better for me with all the protein and vegetables in there. But I am always suckered in by the lure of a big, fluffy pancake with syrup. I'm not a crazy syruper. I like to put just enough on to wet the pancake. But these pancakes suck it up, so I end up having to use more than I like. And then while I was making dinner, and realizing how fattening the meal was ending up, I was just depressed, as there was no turning back at that point. I wanted to make Jack happy. And sure, I was happy, too, as it tasted delicious going down. But then later, when I thought about what the scale is going to say on Thursday for my weekly weigh-in, I got depressed.
Grrrrr. I hate this.
But I did go to the gym this morning. I like going to the gym. I feel good about myself. I try to work hard. I've been doing about 25 minutes of cardio, followed by 15 minutes of weight lifting. I try to do this six days a week. You would think this routine would help keep the pounds off, but alas, it doesn't. Perhaps this is "the change" starting in my body. I don't know. If it is, it stinks, and I'm mad at it. If it isn't, and it's going to get worse in 5 more years, I really better get my butt in shape so that I have room to gain a few without feeling even worse about my weight than I do now.
What do I love about my body today? Well, I guess I'm going with my haircut. At a graduation party on Saturday, I must have had 10 people comment to me about how cute of a cut it was on me. Surely all 10 weren't just saying that to be nice, right? And some comments came from people I hadn't seen in ages that didn't really owe me a compliment or anything. It was a nice surprise. That made me feel good.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Decisions I make that frustrate me
After my last post, I was planning on having an evening snack. Popcorn. It's a good snack, provided you do it right. But picture the scene... 9:30 pm, watching TV with my hubby. He gets himself a bowl of cereal, and I'm starving. Suddenly, whatever craving I had for popcorn goes out the window, and I need to have those Honey Bunches of Oats (I swear, he sabotages my plans every night—I have no willpower). So I give in, and I have the bowl of cereal instead of making the popcorn. My problem with cereal is that I can't seem to stop at one normal-sized bowl when I eat it for a snack. I have a bowl, then I add a little more cereal to use up the milk, then I add a little more milk to use up the cereal, and so on, until there's nothing left. So I'm sure that I consumed way more calories in my "bowl" of cereal than I would have in my bowl of popcorn.
Why do I make these dumb decisions? In part, I think I was very hungry and wanted something to eat right then, instead of waiting the three to five minutes it would have taken me to get out the air popper and make the popcorn. How sad is that? I was willing to consume twice as many calories because of a three to five minute wait? This is why I can't lose 10 pounds. I make stupid decisions.
I'm not sure that yesterday was much better. I did pretty well most of the day. Oatmeal for breakfast, apple for a mid-morning snack, soup at lunch with a grapefruit and some pretzel sticks, yogurt for an afternoon snack, two 1" squares of Dove dark chocolate for a treat. Dinner was ok. Meatloaf and a small baked potato. Then I had a popsicle for dessert (all natural and only 60 calories). Even to that point, it wasn't bad. But after we came home from an event that evening, I was hungry. Nine-thirty rolled around and I decided to finally make popcorn. It was great. But when I was done, I was suddenly now craving something sweet to counter the salty popcorn. I found three Sarris' malted milk balls that were left over from my daughter's Easter basket. I ate them. They were good. And the night would have been fine had I stopped there. But no, I had to be a glutton and consume more chocolate. So I went digging for a chocolate bunny, and found one filled with peanut butter (my favorite combo!). So I ate half of it.
Sure, you may think this isn't a big deal. And in the grand scheme of things for how I ate yesterday, it's not. However, all of these small bad decisions that I make day in and day out continue to add pounds, not take them away, or even let me maintain my weight. These small bad decisions add pounds. Every week. And that's why they are the decisions I make that frustrate me.
To counter all of this negativity, I vowed to try to focus on the positive. So on the brighter side, I only ate half of the peanut butter bunny. I could have had the whole thing, but I chose not to. I closed up the wrapper, and set it aside. I also made the decision to make the popcorn. Again, Jack had his bowl of cereal. I was tired, sitting there on the couch, watching him prep his snack at the TV tray next to where I was sitting. But instead of giving in again, I talked myself into walking to the basement to get the popcorn maker and make myself a bowl of popcorn. So yay for me!
And today's rendition of "what I like about my body": my hands. They're petite and cute. And they look pretty when my fingernails are painted (and how about those monkey jammies?).
Why do I make these dumb decisions? In part, I think I was very hungry and wanted something to eat right then, instead of waiting the three to five minutes it would have taken me to get out the air popper and make the popcorn. How sad is that? I was willing to consume twice as many calories because of a three to five minute wait? This is why I can't lose 10 pounds. I make stupid decisions.
I'm not sure that yesterday was much better. I did pretty well most of the day. Oatmeal for breakfast, apple for a mid-morning snack, soup at lunch with a grapefruit and some pretzel sticks, yogurt for an afternoon snack, two 1" squares of Dove dark chocolate for a treat. Dinner was ok. Meatloaf and a small baked potato. Then I had a popsicle for dessert (all natural and only 60 calories). Even to that point, it wasn't bad. But after we came home from an event that evening, I was hungry. Nine-thirty rolled around and I decided to finally make popcorn. It was great. But when I was done, I was suddenly now craving something sweet to counter the salty popcorn. I found three Sarris' malted milk balls that were left over from my daughter's Easter basket. I ate them. They were good. And the night would have been fine had I stopped there. But no, I had to be a glutton and consume more chocolate. So I went digging for a chocolate bunny, and found one filled with peanut butter (my favorite combo!). So I ate half of it.
Sure, you may think this isn't a big deal. And in the grand scheme of things for how I ate yesterday, it's not. However, all of these small bad decisions that I make day in and day out continue to add pounds, not take them away, or even let me maintain my weight. These small bad decisions add pounds. Every week. And that's why they are the decisions I make that frustrate me.
To counter all of this negativity, I vowed to try to focus on the positive. So on the brighter side, I only ate half of the peanut butter bunny. I could have had the whole thing, but I chose not to. I closed up the wrapper, and set it aside. I also made the decision to make the popcorn. Again, Jack had his bowl of cereal. I was tired, sitting there on the couch, watching him prep his snack at the TV tray next to where I was sitting. But instead of giving in again, I talked myself into walking to the basement to get the popcorn maker and make myself a bowl of popcorn. So yay for me!
And today's rendition of "what I like about my body": my hands. They're petite and cute. And they look pretty when my fingernails are painted (and how about those monkey jammies?).
Thursday, June 13, 2013
10 pounds to go... again
Here we go again.
I find it truly amazing that for the last 13 years, I have said countless times, "I hate being 137 pounds. If I could just lose 10 pounds, I'd be so happy." I have documented proof: seeing a personal trainer in 2001, and documenting my workouts and journaling my food; seeing a nutritionist at one point; the several times I've done Weight Watchers over the years, some attempts more successful than others; seeing another nutritionist; etc., etc.
I'm tired of it. I'm sure you're tired of hearing me whine about it. I'm sorry. I now have a new thing I'm trying. I started reading a book by Rachel Cosgrove called "The Female Body Breakthrough." I've only read a few pages so far, so I can't tell you what the breakthrough is all about, but already, it's given me some food for thought regarding my body.
She recommends journaling. I know for a fact that when I track what I eat, I'm more likely to eat less. But I'm sure you're not totally interested in what I eat every day. So how can I write what I'm eating on a consistent basis in this blog, and not bore you to death? Maybe I need to not care. Maybe the blog is for me, and if someone else gets something out of it, then all the better. She also says to not only write about what you've eaten, but how you felt. Well, I'm good with expressing my emotions, so perhaps I'll focus on that.
But the other thing that she mentions that you need to stop doing is body bashing. I do this all the time. While I know that others see my figure as lovely and shapely, I see every flaw, and I hate every flaw. I hate that my stomach has become a little doughy over the last six months. I'm not sure what's causing that, as I've not really changed my diet, and I go to the gym consistently five or six times a week. But it's there. And I don't like it. And I hate my thighs. At least over time, I have grown to accept the wide trunk God has given me, and I actually don't see it as wide as I used to, so I guess that's a step in the right direction.
However, I need to stop the body bashing. I know it. So I will try to focus on the positive. And you'll see that here, I hope. And maybe if I say positive things enough times, I'll start to believe it, and I won't be so obsessed with those 10 pounds that just don't ever want to come off. But if I can get them to walk out the door, well, that will be an accomplishment.
So I guess my goals are as follows:
1. Read the Rachel Cosgrove book.
2. Start to follow the nutrition and exercise plan in the book.
3. Journal about what I've learned in the book, what I've eaten and how I was feeling, and about something positive about my body.
4. Lose 10 pounds by the end of 2013.
My positive body observation of the day: I had a mani/pedi today, and I must admit, I really like my toes. I think they're shapely, the nails are nice, and they look awesome when they're all fixed up and painted. They're a lovely shade of blue.
What did I eat today, and how do I feel about it? I had cereal for breakfast, but then snuck in a small serving of Reese's Puffs. For lunch, I had turkey on whole wheat, light mayo, lettuce, and tomato, plus some low-fat potato chips, low-fat cottage cheese, and 1/2 of an apple. After the mani/pedi, I had an ice cream cone. For dinner, I had leftover meatloaf, brown rice, and green beans (light butter and salt on the rice and beans). I also had two squares of Hershey's Bliss dark chocolate. Right now, at 9:30 pm, I'm starving, and will likely have some air popped popcorn for a snack, but it will need butter. I use the good stuff on the popcorn. One tablespoon. Is that bad? I don't know. At least it's natural. Overall, I guess I feel ok about what I ate. The doctor tells me my cholesterol is high and that I should be on a low-fat diet. My meatloaf was made with 90% lean beef. Everything else was low-fat anyway, except the ice cream. I don't know what to do about that. I'm mad about the cholesterol thing, and I know at some point soon, I have to acknowledge it and address it. But I'm ignoring it for now. Anyway, at least I made it to the gym this evening to try to work off some of that ice cream cone. But yeah, I guess I'm mad at myself for never having the willpower to eat better. Enjoying an ice cream cone with my daughter on our special day together means more to me than the number on the scale. At least in the heat of the moment, it does. But then later, like now, I regret it. I just really want to have my cake and eat it, too.
And on that note, I'll stop this nonsense and let you get on with your life. Thanks for reading. I hope to keep up with journaling. Maybe it will help me be more aware of everything... what I'm putting in my body, how I feel about my body, and how I feel about myself. It would be nice to be able to love myself someday.
I find it truly amazing that for the last 13 years, I have said countless times, "I hate being 137 pounds. If I could just lose 10 pounds, I'd be so happy." I have documented proof: seeing a personal trainer in 2001, and documenting my workouts and journaling my food; seeing a nutritionist at one point; the several times I've done Weight Watchers over the years, some attempts more successful than others; seeing another nutritionist; etc., etc.
I'm tired of it. I'm sure you're tired of hearing me whine about it. I'm sorry. I now have a new thing I'm trying. I started reading a book by Rachel Cosgrove called "The Female Body Breakthrough." I've only read a few pages so far, so I can't tell you what the breakthrough is all about, but already, it's given me some food for thought regarding my body.
She recommends journaling. I know for a fact that when I track what I eat, I'm more likely to eat less. But I'm sure you're not totally interested in what I eat every day. So how can I write what I'm eating on a consistent basis in this blog, and not bore you to death? Maybe I need to not care. Maybe the blog is for me, and if someone else gets something out of it, then all the better. She also says to not only write about what you've eaten, but how you felt. Well, I'm good with expressing my emotions, so perhaps I'll focus on that.
But the other thing that she mentions that you need to stop doing is body bashing. I do this all the time. While I know that others see my figure as lovely and shapely, I see every flaw, and I hate every flaw. I hate that my stomach has become a little doughy over the last six months. I'm not sure what's causing that, as I've not really changed my diet, and I go to the gym consistently five or six times a week. But it's there. And I don't like it. And I hate my thighs. At least over time, I have grown to accept the wide trunk God has given me, and I actually don't see it as wide as I used to, so I guess that's a step in the right direction.
However, I need to stop the body bashing. I know it. So I will try to focus on the positive. And you'll see that here, I hope. And maybe if I say positive things enough times, I'll start to believe it, and I won't be so obsessed with those 10 pounds that just don't ever want to come off. But if I can get them to walk out the door, well, that will be an accomplishment.
So I guess my goals are as follows:
1. Read the Rachel Cosgrove book.
2. Start to follow the nutrition and exercise plan in the book.
3. Journal about what I've learned in the book, what I've eaten and how I was feeling, and about something positive about my body.
4. Lose 10 pounds by the end of 2013.
My positive body observation of the day: I had a mani/pedi today, and I must admit, I really like my toes. I think they're shapely, the nails are nice, and they look awesome when they're all fixed up and painted. They're a lovely shade of blue.
What did I eat today, and how do I feel about it? I had cereal for breakfast, but then snuck in a small serving of Reese's Puffs. For lunch, I had turkey on whole wheat, light mayo, lettuce, and tomato, plus some low-fat potato chips, low-fat cottage cheese, and 1/2 of an apple. After the mani/pedi, I had an ice cream cone. For dinner, I had leftover meatloaf, brown rice, and green beans (light butter and salt on the rice and beans). I also had two squares of Hershey's Bliss dark chocolate. Right now, at 9:30 pm, I'm starving, and will likely have some air popped popcorn for a snack, but it will need butter. I use the good stuff on the popcorn. One tablespoon. Is that bad? I don't know. At least it's natural. Overall, I guess I feel ok about what I ate. The doctor tells me my cholesterol is high and that I should be on a low-fat diet. My meatloaf was made with 90% lean beef. Everything else was low-fat anyway, except the ice cream. I don't know what to do about that. I'm mad about the cholesterol thing, and I know at some point soon, I have to acknowledge it and address it. But I'm ignoring it for now. Anyway, at least I made it to the gym this evening to try to work off some of that ice cream cone. But yeah, I guess I'm mad at myself for never having the willpower to eat better. Enjoying an ice cream cone with my daughter on our special day together means more to me than the number on the scale. At least in the heat of the moment, it does. But then later, like now, I regret it. I just really want to have my cake and eat it, too.
And on that note, I'll stop this nonsense and let you get on with your life. Thanks for reading. I hope to keep up with journaling. Maybe it will help me be more aware of everything... what I'm putting in my body, how I feel about my body, and how I feel about myself. It would be nice to be able to love myself someday.
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