Sunday, January 26, 2014

Yet another new thing, although it's not really new anymore


It's me again. Lynnette. The girl that's always looking for some new way to stay in shape and lose weight. I'm at it again. This time, I've decided to try personal training. Yes, it's expensive. I go twice a week. I've been seeing my trainer for three months now. I've decided to stick with it for one more month.

Going into it, I thought it was going to be the magic pill that would get these 10 pounds off of my body. You know, the 10 pounds I've been talking about for years? Yes, that same 10 pounds is STILL there. I thought that having a trainer who was also coaching me in nutrition, and knowing I was paying a lot of money for the support, I would magically be motivated to really focus on what I was eating, and be able to lose the 10 pounds.

But that didn't happen. Am I worse off for it? Well, I've spent a lot of money. But in the end, I do think it was worth it. Although the scale hasn't budged, some of my pants do feel smaller. I just wish that I could have been stronger about the food I was putting into my body. I'm excited about the strength I've gained. And I'm looking forward to the group training I plan to do once I'm done with this last month. But what if…

So what is it about food that I can't stop myself? Overall, I know that eat well. I try to incorporate fruits and vegetables into all of my meals and snacks. I try to eat whole grains and little wheat. I eat small amounts of processed stuff. I eat low fat dairy products. I don't drink soda, juices, or coffee. So where do I go wrong? Sweets. Cookies. Chocolate. Donuts. Bagels. Yes, I realize the irony of trying to eat real food, whole grains, and little wheat in my normal diet, but somehow when it comes to sweets, I think it's ok to still eat those things. Well, not really. I know it's not ok. But my brain must do some weird thing where it lets me convince myself otherwise. I know that all that crap is not good for me. And I know that I'm not going to lose those 10 pounds without giving up most of those treats. But somehow, having a meal plan where I don't have to count calories or points, I fear, is actually hindering me from losing the weight. I have at least been documenting everything I eat. They say that if you do that, you'll likely eat less. Well guess what? I still eat the sweets. And I write them down. And I feel bad about it. But then at the next opportunity that they present themselves, I eat them again. And again. And again. It sucks. I'm so tired of feeling guilty about every sweet that I put in my mouth. And I'm also tired of these 10 pounds I can't get rid of.

So I don't know what to do. I bought a new book. The Sugar Smart Diet. I thought maybe if I followed a regimented plan that is designed to curb the sugar cravings, it might help kick start the weight loss. I've just been reading the book. I haven't started the diet yet. 

Also, and this is new, I'm having trouble getting motivated to work out, mostly on the weekends. I see the trainer on Mondays and Fridays. I'm able to work out at home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays without a problem. I can't work out on Thursdays…too busy. I would really like to do some sort of workout on Saturdays and Sundays, even if it was just 15 minutes. But it is so cold in Pittsburgh right now, and on the weekends, I just want to sleep and stay snuggled in my bed, and have my 9-year-old daughter come and hang out with me in bed. So then I'll often tell myself that I'll just work out later, maybe before lunch. Well, that never happens either. By 11:00 am, we're usually into something together, even if that might just be watching something on TV. But we're together, and I don't want to leave that comfy place of togetherness just to get a workout in. So I've been struggling with workout motivation, too. 

Am I just getting too old for all of this? Have I done it for so many years that I'm losing my oomph? Have I lost the will to keep it up? I don't know what's going on. I just wish it would go back to the way it was. Years ago when I lost 15 pounds on Weight Watchers… I want THAT motivation again. Those days when I was excited to work out 6 days a week? Yeah, I need that back, too. I don't want to get lazy. I don't want to gain weight. I just want to be happy. And I don't want meal planning to consume me. I want it to all just happen naturally and easily. Does everybody that's in shape and eats well work hard at it? If not, how do they do it?

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