Here we go again

Well, here I am almost a month after my last post. I have been so wishy-washy about my current weight management situation. Some days I'm up, and I'm happy about where I am, and some days I'm down (like today) and feel so depressed about it.

My post-stomach-virus weight loss didn't last, as I'm sure comes as no surprise. I'm back up to 133. Sure, it's not a terrible number, but it's not the number I want my weight to be. When I look in the mirror, I see fat. Today, I put on a pair of shorts I wear for exercising that I haven't worn in a while. I was obsessed with the way my stomach flab inched out slightly over the top of the shorts. Yes, I said slightly, and yes, I realize that some people may read that and think, "Girlfriend, be grateful it's only slightly!" But I hate it. And I hate the way my hips always look like they've got two inches of fat on each side. And I hate when I can feel my legs rub together when I walk around in my robe. Then I ask myself, "At what weight do you think all of those things would disappear?" And honestly, I bet there is no amount I could weigh where I didn't obsess about these stupid things. And yes, I realize they're stupid, and yes, I realize it's not logical, but damn it, why can't I make it stop? Why can't I look in the mirror and see a pretty woman in her early 40s? All I see is a pock-marked face that looks awful without makeup, and fat. Oh my goodness, do I need some therapy or what?

Well, let me get off that soap box and try to get my head back into reality. On the good side, I've had a few days where my calorie burn has been phenomenal. One day last week, I burned over 3000 calories in one day. That was a record for me. And it wasn't even hard to reach that point. I had an extra long workout (1.5 hours), but other than that, it was business as usual. The other good thing is that after the weekend of April 16 when Jenny and Mathias came up for a visit, I still maintained my 133 pounds after having eaten out for every meal but one.

But it is all catching up to me now. I'm still exercising as usual, but I'm thinking I might need to try, yet again, to lose some weight. I realize this can't be healthy for me, physically or emotionally, but I just haven't been feeling great lately. I think we've been eating out way too much in the last month, and that makes me feel bloated and fat, and on top of that, I've been baking a lot, which, in turn, leads to a lot of needless eating of sweets. I've often been tempted to just give up on sweets completely, but I don't know how I could possibly run a bakery business if I didn't eat sugar. I have to be able to sample my stuff.

So here we go again. I'm going to try to get back on the wagon. One day at a time, we'll see how long it will last.

I'm such a joke, aren't I? :)

A good start

I am always amazed when I have a very active day, and learn at the end of the day that I've burned more calories than I ever imagined. I had one day this past week where I burned 2700 calories! I think that's a record for me, or at least very close to my max. And, as it turns out, I was just pretty active that day. Sure, I did a workout in the morning, but nothing more strenuous than usual. But I stayed busy. I didn't sit much. I cooked dinner. I ran some errands. I find this amazing, and wish I could remember this when I'm at work. If I could just stand for half of the day, I bet I'd burn a good bit more calories than I do sitting all day.

Over the last couple of weeks, I also had a frustrating moment with one of my workouts. I have this workout that's called "500 Calorie Workout". Well, when I first got my bodybugg, I came to realize that I only burn about 400 calories doing this workout. Then one day last week, I only burned 325 calories doing that same workout. I trust my bodybugg, so I'm perplexed as to how my burn rate was so much lower this last time. I even think I used heavier weights, which, you would think, would cause me to burn more calories. Strange.

This past Friday, I actually got Jack to go outside for a walk/jog with me. I was impressed, as his stamina was much better than mine that day. It was super hot (at least it felt that way to me), and I was just dragging. But I was so proud of him for coming out with me. He's been walking/jogging on the treadmill at home, but has rarely ventured outside (to his credit, it was so cold for so long, but now it's starting to warm up). It was fun to have a partner. Speaking of partners, I think I'm going to start walking on Sunday mornings with a friend of mine that lives in the neighborhood. I'm excited for that. I like her a lot, and it will be nice to spend more time with her and get to know her better. I have another friend moving to my neighborhood this weekend, so I'm hoping that maybe I can have another walking partner, as well. I miss having a workout buddy.

So why the title of my post? Well, Friday night I came down with a stomach virus. I hate those pesky things, and thankfully, I rarely get them. This one was a doozy, but fortunately only lasted for about 8 hours. But in those 8 hours, I lost about 6 pounds! Now, I realize that a lot of that is water weight, but I'm hoping that seeing the scale measure a number below 130, I might stay motivated to really eat smaller portions and try to keep most of that weight off. So I'm off to a good start. Let's just hope I can stay on the wagon this time.