Struggling with it all

I don't even have calorie burns or calorie intakes to share with you. My week has been horrible. I'm really struggling right now, and I can't seem to get back on the wagon. But I have to find a way, and I will, I promise.

Monday, we ended up having to take Lila to my in-law's so she could spend the night. My mother-in-law watches her on Tuesdays, and was unable to come to our house on Tuesday this week. They live about 35 minutes away. To top it off, it was snowing, so it took a while to get home from work and get Lila, then to get out to their house. When we got there, she had made homemade chicken noodle soup, which I was extremely grateful for. I've been nursing a stuffy nose and cough for almost six weeks now, and it seems to be getting worse again, so the soup was fantastic. But, of course, in usual Lynnette style, I splurged on treats after dinner. Aren't I supposed to be watching what I eat, and didn't I give up sweets as my New Year's resolution? Why can't I stick with it? Ok, so fine, maybe it's ok that I have a sweet now and again, but give me an inch, and I will take a mile. I had a slice of a pastry bread, kind of like monkey bread. It was delicious. I went in for a small bite after I ate my slice. Then I had two pieces of chocolate. I couldn't stop.

Tuesday, we had to pick Lila up at the in-law's after work. Again, it was snowing, so it took a while to get there. Again, thankfully, my mother-in-law (who we all lovingly refer to as Bubby) made us dinner: chicken in a cranberry sauce, vegetables, and rice pilaf. But yet again, after dinner, I gave in and had 4 pieces of chocolate this time. It was too much. I could feel it. I felt miserable in the car on the way home. I just wanted to get into my comfy pants. You know that feeling, right?

Wednesday, I was going to church for Ash Wednesday shortly after we got home from work, so I barely had time to eat. Plus, no meat on Ash Wednesday. Actually, Wednesday was my best day so far this week. I was able to track my calories, as I ate everything in my bodybugg meal plan for the day, and ended up at around 1300 calories consumed. But since we were eating at Bubby's both Monday and Tuesday, and I don't know what ingredients she uses, I was unable to track my calories. And when I have a day or two where I can't track during the week, it makes me unmotivated to track anything else the rest of the week.

Even today, Thursday, I'm not tracking again. We took my niece to lunch today at Mad Mex, so there was no way I was going to be able to get the calories for my meal. So when we got home, I had several chocolate graham crackers, some with peanut butter spread on them. What is wrong with me? I can't seem to stop this insanity.

To top it off, I had a horrible weight week. When I weighed in on Monday, I was down a pound, which was great. But then on Tuesday and Wednesday, I was up by 1.2, then 1.4 pounds. Where did that come from? Now the weird thing is that today, I was back down to a few tenths of a pound below where I was on Monday. I don't understand the way our bodies gain and lose weight like that. I know it's a small amount, and I should consider it negligible, but I just wish I understood it.

I honestly can't remember what I did for workouts this week. They've been very sporadic. I remember walking/jogging on the treadmill one day. I remember yesterday, I tried to workout, but because of my cold, found I had no energy to do anything, so I ended up just taking a leisurely walk on the treadmill. Today, I was too tired, so I didn't do anything. I've considered going outside and shoveling the snow off of our deck, but I don't see that happening. So I decided to bake jack a coconut cream pie instead. The good news is that I don't like coconut, so I won't be tempted to eat any of this pie!

So that's my story for the week. I haven't had time to blog until now, and I'm struggling with keeping my goals. But as I always say, tomorrow is a new day, and I will start again. I just hope I can stick with it this time.

New beginnings - cliche, but true

I never thought I would be a blogger until today. Today, I read an email from a very smart man whom I admire greatly. It was an excerpt from the Wall Street Journal—a story about how to keep New Year's resolutions. One of the suggestions from a successful resolution-keeper was to blog about your journey. It will keep you motivated and accountable. I liked this idea, so here I am.

You might be wondering why I called the blog "My Wagon Ride." Well, for most of my adult life, I have been dissatisfied with my body. I always felt like I was a little overweight, and that I could stand to lose 10 pounds. I have been on and off of various diets and eating plans since I was in my 20s. The first was called something like "Dr. Abravanel's Body Type Diet." This classified you as different gland types (I think I was a gonadal), and then provided you with diets that supported your body type. I got on the wagon and lost a few pounds. Then I fell off the wagon, and gained a few. Next up was Weight Watchers. Got on the wagon again, lost a few, fell off again. I tried Weight Watchers again a few years later with the same results. In between all of that, I tried a personal trainer who advised me on my diet, I saw a nutritionist once, tried the South Beach Diet, a Kathy Smith diet plan "Feed Muscle, Shrink Fat", vegetarianism, and again went back to Weight Watchers in the summer of 2008. I lost 15 pounds! But yet again, I fell off that wagon once more, and gained about 8 of it back.

But this is a new year and I'm back on that wagon. And this is the adventure of my wagon ride.

My weight loss goal is to lose those 8 pounds, and then a few more, to get down to around 125 pounds. At the end of summer 2008, I was finally happy with the way my body looked, the way I felt, the way my face looked, the way my clothes fit me. It was surreal, as I couldn't remember the last time I felt that way about myself. It was invigorating. I want to feel that way again.

To start off, my goals are simple.

1. Stop nibbling. I nibble a lot. While packing lunches, I eat some chips, or the crust off of a sandwich. While making dinner, I eat a handful of this or a handful of that. I read something recently that said don't eat it if you don't plate it. I like this concept.

2. Limit sweets as much as possible. I like sugar. I really, really do. And I love to bake, moreso for others, but I get enjoyment out of it, too. A nibble of cookie dough here and there... you all do it, you know you do! And by the time the cookies are done, I've already had 5 raw cookies, yet I go in for more. And I can't stop at one cookie. I need more. I eat one, and then want another, and then another. But if I don't eat the sweets to begin with, I don't need to keep feeding the sugar craving. So I'm going to try to not eat sweets.

3. Eat smaller portions. My breakfast and lunches are pretty reasonable in size, but I think I overdo it at dinner. I need to let my stomach digest before I go in for seconds, because most times, I bet I don't "need" it, but moreso just "want" it. I have to learn to say no to the part of me that wants it and listen to the part that needs it.

So those are my diet goals for now. I'm hoping that I can lose weight by following these guidelines. I'm also keeping a food diary and hope that I can keep up with that. I read over and over that successful weight loss happens more often when you track everything you eat.

In my next entry, I'll tell you about my exercise habits these days, and what they've been throughout my life, and I'll tell you about the new gizmo I bought that I'm anxiously waiting to arrive in the mail.