Why can't I do this?

I'm so sad right now. All the hard work that I put into losing weight earlier this year has caught back up with me, and I'm back to the 136 pounds I started at back in January. I'm so mad at myself. I'm disappointed in myself. Why can't I do this? Several years ago, my husband decided to try to lose weight. All he did was cut back on how much he ate, and he lost like 20 pounds. And guess what? He's still at that same weight. Over those years that he's maintained, I've gained, lost, and gained again. And I'm supposed to be the healthy one... the weight-conscious one.... the one that puts a lot of thought into the meals we eat... the one that controls what our daughter eats. Yet look at me. I'm a mess. A stupid mess.


Now you may say, "Oh my gosh, listen to you. You're complaining about being 136 pounds. That's nothing. That's not overweight." And I understand those words. And I still fit in my pants (although a little more snugly than before). But my underwear are tighter. And I hate the way I look when I'm naked. I realize that no one else, for the most part, sees me when I'm naked, so why should I care so much? For me, it's just reinforcing how I've always felt about myself. When I lost the weight earlier this year, I was so elated. I was very content with how I looked, clothed and unclothed. I would be happy for the rest of my life about my body image if I could have just stayed there. But no, I had to eat myself into a sugar coma, and gain all of that weight back, forcing me to, once again, see myself as the blechy person I've always seen myself as. And now I'm sad.


I don't know why I struggle so much with this. I don't know why it's so hard for me. I don't know why it was so easy to lose the weight, but so hard to keep it off. But I have to do something. We're leaving in two weeks for DisneyWorld, and I really wanted to be down a few pounds before that trip. I'm not planning on splurging when I'm there... I really just want to eat well, and not overindulge. I pray that I can stick to that plan, because I will be so depressed if I come back weighing more. Maybe I need to get back to Weight Watchers. It really seemed to help in the beginning, although once I reached that plateau, nothing seemed to help anymore. Maybe if I can get back down to 126 again, I can... oh, who knows. I guess I should take this one step at a time. I realize that trying to do this at the holidays is going to be extra hard, and in a way, I think why set myself up for failure? But then at the same time, I think if I don't do something now, I might be 5 pounds heavier by January, and that will really hurt.


If you are able to maintain your weight, how do you do it? Do you ever treat yourself? Do you like sweets? How do you give up the stuff you love so much, that's so bad for you? Maybe if I had something that could give me an electric shock every time I went for a cookie, I would eventually learn not to go for the cookie.  :)


Well, until the next time I feel depressed enough to write out my thoughts....

It got harder back in March

The weight came off pretty quickly and easily in the beginning, as I suspect it does for a lot of people. Back at the end of April, I was down 11.2 pounds. But I noticed that since the end of March when my husband and I went away for a weekend, and I totally splurged and gave up dieting for our trip, it's been increasingly harder each week to stick with it, and to take off any pounds.


At my last weigh-in less than a week ago, that 11.2 total loss was now a total loss of 8.4 pounds. So I'm up 2.8 pounds since my lowest weigh-in. I'm a little skeptical of that last weigh-in, though, because I had eaten right before I went to my Weight Watchers meeting, and I normally don't do that. Not to mention, that morning my own scale had me weighing in at what I was the week before. So I think that I'm probably only really up 1.8 pounds, not 2.8 pounds. But why argue about such small numbers, you might ask, right? Well, when you don't have much to lose, and still want to lose a couple, every little tenth of a pound counts.


But I have to be honest with you, and with myself... I haven't really tried to lose weight these last few weeks. Life has been too busy, and circumstances have been too troublesome to track some of my meals, so I gave up tracking for a week or two, and I gave up caring too much about what I was eating. But it is amazing how quickly I fall back into old habits, and how quickly a little pound here and a little pound there can sneak back onto your body.


After my last meeting, though, I decided to try to get back on the wagon. It just so happened that the meeting topic was all about tracking. Our meeting leader actually shared some of her notes from an old tracker of hers from back in the year 2000. She had a lot of notes in there, and I realized that the online tool doesn't give me any opportunity to really journal about how I'm feeling when I'm eating (or not eating). So I bought a little notebook at the store the other day so that I can try to jot down some notes that pertain to my hunger levels before and after eating, and to try to make note of my cravings. I'm hoping that doing this will keep me from eating stuff I shouldn't, and help me to realize what I'm doing wrong even when I'm just trying to maintain a certain weight. And on those days that I find what I eat too complicated to track, I'll still at least write it in the notebook so I can be honest with myself. 


So I don't know how well this journal thing will go, or how long I can keep up with it. It is time consuming, but I believe that there will be a benefit to it down the road. I'll keep you posted on any progress I think it helps me to experience.

An update, and more crap

So the good news is that I'm down another pound. I know I didn't write last week, and so I've lost track of where I told you I was. Suffice it to say that since I started this program back at the end of January, I'm now down 11.2 pounds. I'm very happy about that. After this past week with Easter, plus an additional day of bad eating, a one pound loss is very satisfying.

My workouts are still going strong. I wish I could be as strong in my food choices all these weeks later as I am with my workouts. But working out has always been easy for me. I'm always motivated to do it. I don't know why. I don't really know what my motivation is. Is it to be healthy? Well, sure, I think so. Is it to be fit? Yes, definitely. But really, in the end, I think I do it because it makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel strong and empowered. I wish I had those feelings about eating well. I wish eating well fueled all those endorphins like exercise does. It would be much easier to stick with it.

Another good thing... on Easter, my husband took a photograph of me and my daughter. I haven't seen a full-length photo of me in a long time, so I was very surprised to see a "me" that I actually liked, and that I actually thought looked skinny. I have never said those words about myself ever in my life, I don't think. So I look at that picture and wonder, "Is this how everyone else always sees me? No wonder they think I'm nuts when I tell them that I need to lose weight." But then I still look at my thunder thighs and think that I'm very lucky that I can hide those under a nice, slimming pencil skirt. I'm just an idiot. Why can't I leave well-enough alone, and appreciate how far I've come, rather than focus on what I still think is wrong with me? I'm so grateful that my six-year-old daughter doesn't know how to find my blog page, because I would never want her knowing that Mommy thinks of herself this way. I always want my daughter to have a positive self-image, and I want her to feel beautiful no matter what size she is. I just wish I could do the same for myself.

So lastly, on to the crap I ate today. I did it again. I was trying so hard to be good, but I got hungry long before lunch, and long after I ate my morning apple snack. Then after work, we went to dinner. And then I ate sweets. Here's the damage from the day, all told.

Breakfast

-1 serving of Cheerios with 6 oz. skim milk

-1 banana

Snack

-1 apple

-10 almonds

Lunch

-mixed greens salad with light balsamic vinaigrette, with carrots, tomatoes, and strawberries

-2 oz. turkey deli meat on 1 slice of light wheat toast with 1 slice of light provolone cheese, melted

-1 serving of low-salt potato chips

-a few bites of my husband's Klondike bar

-1 little Snickers chocolate square

-1 little Butterfingers square

Snack

-6 oz. fat free greek yogurt with 2 packs of Splenda

Dinner

-a "cup" of wedding soup, but I bet it was closer to 2 cups of soup

-grilled chicken on a bed of greens with a fig balsamic vinaigrette (also on the salad were tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers, fontina cheese, plus these little fried onion strands)

-a slice of bread (which I tried to resist, but gave in and ate at the end of the meal)

Dessert at home

-1/2 of a peanut butter egg that my daughter made with my mom

-a handful of gummie bunnies

I gave up counting points after my yogurt snack. I should probably go back and try to do it, but it sometimes overwhelms me trying to figure out points for things I have no idea how they were prepared.

This weekend is going to be tough, too. It's hubby's birthday on Sunday, and daughter has lots of meals planned, plus there will be cake (which I'll be baking). I should just starve myself tomorrow in preparation (just kidding).

So how bad does my day of crappy eating compare to yours? Would you qualify what I ate today as a day of crappy eating? Am I being too hard on myself? I suspect I often am, but I can't seem to make it stop.

Crap I ate today, Easter edition

As promised, here is my Easter edition of Crap I Ate Today. Amazingly, this totaled (well, as close as I could estimate) about 62 PointsPlus today. I'm only supposed to have 29 PointsPlus per day. I've used those up, and then some, and I've only got 1 weekly PointPlus left. That's not good. Anyway, let's get down to the details.

Breakfast

1 serving of Cheerios with about 7 oz. of skim milk

1 banana

Brunch

1 yogurt parfait (homemade with about 5 oz. total of strawberry and vanilla yogurt, a few teaspoons of granola, and diced strawberries)

1 oatmeal and nutmeg scone (homemade)

1 tsp. of light butter

1 serving of egg, hash brown, and sausage casserole

1 serving of roasted red potatoes (drizzled with olive oil and onion soup mix)

3 oz. ham, trimmed

Snacks/Dessert

4 malted milk balls

6 gummie bunnies

10 M&Ms

1/10th of my homemade strawberry pie

1/20th of my homemade apple pie

Dinner

1 bun

1.3 oz. deli ham

1 slice of light provolone cheese

In all honesty, I wasn't even hungry for dinner. I'm not sure why I ate. I think I felt like I should, just because I knew I'd be hungry later if I didn't eat it then. Was that smart? I don't know. Maybe if I had waited, I would have eaten much lighter. I know that doesn't make sense, but I think it's true. There's a sense of pressure I felt to join hubby and daughter while they both ate. I wanted to join them. Had I waited, and made my own decision later, I bet I wouldn't have eaten, or definitely would have eaten something else that was worth less points. That bun alone was 5 points. Sheesh!

So did you do well today, or did you, too, give in to all the candy and delicious food that was served to you? I'm glad I tracked it, but man, why couldn't I have displayed some self-constraint? I actually went into the day thinking I would only eat a 1/2 serving of each dish at brunch. But that didn't work out so well. I gave in to the temptation of all that good food in front of me. I didn't want to care today. Did you care?

Crap I ate today, part 2

Well, although I weighed in two days ago just a tad below my lowest so far (down a total of 10.2 pounds now), I find myself doing anything I can to sabotage my progress. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I feel like I do it every time. I lose weight, feel that I'm invincible, eat everything in sight, and then gain the weight back. I'm just stupid. And to prove it, here's a list of the crap I ate today.

Breakfast

1 bowl of Cheerios, single serving, with 8 oz. skim milk

1 pack of Splenda

1 banana

Snack

1/2 banana

1 apple

Lunch

2 slices light whole-wheat bread

1 oz. lean deli ham

2 oz. shredded light cheddar cheese

some broccoli

1 serving of hummus

5 Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips

Ok, so far so good, right? You're wondering what my problem is? Well, this is when it went downhill.

Dessert/Snack

7 Sour Patch wormy thingys

1 Granola Thin (have you tried these? awesome, but it's hard to eat just one)

1 snack pack of Skittles

1 homemade scone

Dinner

2 slices of pizza (boboli 100% thin wheat crust with light mozzarella cheese)

1/2 slice of pizza (the fattening kind)

14 6-grain Sun Chips

6 baby carrots with 1 Tbsp. light ranch dressing

1 long, skinny Tootsie Roll

So on Weight Watchers, I'm allowed 29 points per day. Today totaled 41 points. It was a lot of points for eating food that wasn't really worth it. I'm not sure why I did it. It's like I couldn't stop.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring. It's Easter, and I'm hosting. I've made several yummy dishes and desserts, but I have pre-calculated all of my points, so at least I'll know going into it how many points I'm eating. Stay tuned for tomorrow's "Crap I ate today, Easter edition."

I still can't get on that wagon

I'm having trouble getting back on the wagon. I know, I know, last week at this time, I vowed to get back on and do better. Well, I didn't. I let myself down. I ate crap. Again. When I weighed in on my scale at home this morning, I was up 1.4 pounds to 128.2. Sure, this is a lovely number, and many people would be happy to be there. I'm 75% happy that I'm there. But I'm 100% sad that I keep making poor choices over and over again. I have no confidence in my ability to take control of my eating habits for the rest of my life, and make smart choices all the time. My friend, Molly, says we haven't been doing Weight Watchers long enough to have formed those lifetime habits. I know she's right. I just wish I could stop being so stubborn and stop expecting perfection immediately. I wish I could give myself a little slack on this journey to developing life-long habits. I wish I could learn to love my body and how it functions, no matter what the scale says, or how jiggly my thighs still are. I wish I believed in myself.

Well, enough of that self-pity. Let's talk about exercising. I love to exercise. I'm not sure why. I guess it makes me feel better about myself, and I'm always striving for the day when I can actually notice a difference in my physique because of it. Since I've lost these approximately 10 pounds recently, I have noticed that my mid-section seems more visibly toned. That makes me feel good. And I guess I also have noticed that my butt seems a little more solid or sturdy. I really think that some of the workouts on my Brazil Butt Lift video series have helped a lot in those areas. The 20 minute ab workout is hard, and so are the targeted glute workouts. Even the 50 minute toning workout really feels like it's doing a lot for me. The only workout that I'm not crazy about is the cardio one... it's a 30 minute, mostly low-impact workout. If I'm doing 30 minutes of cardio, I want it to be one where I'm burning a ton of calories, so I usually skip the BBL cardio.

I created a new workout plan for myself. I really wanted to make sure that I was getting in enough strength and toning, along with my cardio, and I wanted to give myself a day of fun. So on Mondays and Wednesdays, I do workouts that target my lower-half, along with at least 20 minutes of high impact cardio. On Tuesdays, I do an upper body strength workout, sometimes accompanied by cardio, depending on what I decided to do the other days of the week. On Thursdays, I go to Zumba where we spend 30 minutes doing cardio while incorporating toning sticks (1.5 pound weights in each hand the whole 30 minutes), and then 30 minutes doing toning, which might focus on upper or lower body or abs, or a combo of all three. I decided on Fridays that I want to do routines that are fun, easy, or different, and then also focus more on my abs on Fridays. So I'm doing yoga, maybe pilates, and usually a 20 minute ab routine. On Saturdays, I take a regular Zumba class for 60 minutes.

So that's my routine. Sunday is my day of rest. And now that the weather is finally breaking, I might actually get to go walking or walk/jogging for my cardio some mornings. I went out one day early this week. It was wonderful to be outside. And I did a 30 minute routine where I walked 3 minutes and jogged 3 minutes, alternately. I haven't done that in a long time, and I was able to do it just fine. I was so happy about that... oh, except I got a side stitch towards the end that I couldn't work through, so I had to walk at the end. I hate those things.

Hopefully this week will prove to be more successful along my weight loss journey. I really want to get down to below 125 pounds before June 6, which is when the farmer's market starts this year. Last year during market season, I had such a hard time keeping up with everything that exercise and eating well kind of went by the wayside. I was just too tired to continue to get up early and work out. I also didn't have time, because when I did wake up early, it would be to bake, not to exercise. So my goals are this: prior to June 6, weigh-in at less than 125 pounds; during the summer, exercise at least 3 times a week, and maintain my weight loss. Can I do it? I have no idea, but I promise myself that I'm going to try. Wish me luck.

I've fallen and I can't get up!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have fallen off the wagon once again. I was doing so well for so long, and now it's all gone to heck in a hay basket (is that a saying? I didn't just make that up, right?).

So let me catch you up. The last time I wrote, I was down to 127.4 on my scale at home. The following week, I was down to 126.6. That day when I weighed in at Weight Watchers, I had reached a total of 10 pounds lost from when I started back at the end of January. I was elated! But then a few days after that, my husband and I spent a long weekend in Lancaster where we stayed at a quaint bed and breakfast. It was wonderful, but we ate way too much junk.

When we arrived, they were serving warm apple pie, cheese, and crackers in the "parlor." Warm apple pie? Oh my gosh, I had died and gone to heaven. I hadn't had apple pie in months, and being an apple pie baker, I'm always very interested in trying others' versions. This one was pretty good. It was a two crust pie that was very cinnamony... oh, wait, this isn't a blog about baking. Ok, let me continue with the crap we ate. That night, we had pasta for dinner. It was a Friday during Lent, so I was limited as to what I could eat anyway. This wasn't bad, but we also splurged and got dessert (at least we split it). The next day, we had breakfast at the B&B, and had lunch at a local pub. The food was really good, and I was happy with my order. But then it went downhill from there. We drove to the local chocolate factory and bought some chocolate that we ate in the car. We also bought some peanut butter and chocolate covered mini pretzels that we bought at a local pretzel making place. Then when we got back to the B&B, there were treats in the parlor again, so we had a slice of chocolate cake. Well, we were so full of junk that at dinner time, we opted for a very small meal at a local cafe. I had a cup of chili and that was it.

On Sunday, we ate breakfast at the B&B (it was sweet French toast this time), then shopped, then had lunch at a Mexican restaurant. I ate too much. It was fabulous, but I just ate too much. And on our way home, we stopped at my in-laws where we had homemade chicken and biscuits, and ate more chocolate.

Well, that weekend totally screwed me up, and I haven't been the same since. The following Thursday, as expected, I was up 1.2 pounds. Now today, I'm back down a little bit, almost to where I was before the Lancaster trip. Although in all honesty, I'm not sure how that happened. I still have been eating stupid things more often than I should. Sure, we can all get away with eating something stupid once in a while, but I find myself everyday dealing with social events that force me to eat things that are higher in fat and calories. Or else I find myself falling so hard off the wagon that I say, "Who cares? I've already done some damage, I might as well keep going," and I end up eating the treats that appear in the kitchen at work, or something bad for me at home.

So this is the point that I'm at now. Today starts a new week in my Weight Watchers tracking, and I vow, as I do every Thursday, to make this week better. I still have about 5 more pounds I'd like to lose, and I know that if I can just stick to it, I'll be fine. But sticking to it is hard when I know that I have upcoming events that will get in the way. It's almost like I let myself be defeated even before I begin. Why do I do this to myself? It's such a rough journey, I just hope that I can come out of it with the results I want, and then find a way to stick to it. But my eating behaviors and choices over the last two weeks have me worried about my ability to maintain this in the long run. I mean, I know what I should be eating. I just find too often that, when I'm faced with food that really tempts me, I don't care about what I should be eating.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

Crap I ate today

I'll write more about my progress tomorrow, but today I thought I'd try something new. In the last two weeks, I've found myself continuously eating things I shouldn't be eating, and there's no way I'm going to lose weight, or even maintain this new weight, if I don't get my act together. So I thought that maybe if I admitted to what I ate that was bad for me, as well as say "yay!" for what I ate that was good for me, maybe it will help me stop eating the crap.

What I ate today that I shouldn't have:

-1/2 of a small raisin bagel with less than a tablespoon of cream cheese

-glazed donut with chocolate frosting

-slice of pound cake (which I consumed in three different visits to the kitchen at work)

-1/4 of a nice-sized chocolate chocolate-chip cookie

-1/4 of a nice-sized snickerdoodle

-1 pretzel rod

-a few spoonfuls of spanish rice flavored Rice-A-Roni that I ate while standing over the stove after dinner (this was more like sneaking)

What I ate today that was good for me:

-1 banana

-1 apple

-1 six ounce container of Greek nonfat plain yogurt with 2 packs of Splenda

-1 slice of light whole wheat toast with 2 oz. of deli turkey, no condiment

-1 mixed green salad with shredded carrots and grape tomatoes, and 2 Tbsp. light dressing

-2 pork tacos on corn tortillas (recipe came from Cooking Light)

(UPDATE: After I posted this blog last night, I also ate another banana, and this Nature Valley Granola Thin thingy. I consider both to be on the "good" list. The granola thin only has a 2 PointsPlus value, and that's pretty good for a non-Weight Watchers branded snack [the WW snacks are mostly 2 points as well]. It might be worth of being on the "bad" list, only because I had already had enough bad stuff, I really shouldn't have indulged my craving.)

Granted, when you look at the things I put in the "bad" category, you might not think they're all that bad. But when you're really trying to lose weight, they are the things I should stay away from. The rice, while seemingly innocent, counts as a lot of Weight Watchers Points Plus, so it's not worth it. Not to mention, it's processed, and although not consciously, I like that Weight Watchers has helped me to eat much less processed food. So it's in the "bad" category because it's high in points, and because it's processed.

Is this normal? Do you eat like this? I mean, in all honesty, on a normal day when I'm not trying to watch what I eat so closely, this is pretty normal for me. But maybe that's my problem.

How am I going to maintain this weight loss?

My biggest struggle is going to be maintaining this loss after I've reached my goal. What is my goal? When should I stop? Should I stop when it seems like the weight isn't coming off any more? Should I stop at a predetermined number? These are the questions that plague me now that I'm getting close to a comfortable weight for my body.

Today when I weighed myself, I was the same as last week. Ok, maybe I was down by 0.2 pounds, but who's going to count that as real weight loss, right? Anyway, the maintaing of my weight over the last week wasn't the easiest thing in the world. It still took effort. Is this really what maintaining your weight is about? Does it take effort every day? Does it require watching what you eat so closely every day?

I think the reason that I didn't lose any weight this week was because of what I ate over this past weekend. We went to dinner on Saturday night at Bravo. I had a salad with balsamic dressing, then I ate half of a margherita pizza (these are thin crust pizzas with not a lot of cheese on them). Oh, and I also ate one piece of the bread they put on the table. I also think that evening, I was really hungry because we ate dinner early, so I continued to splurge by eating a large bowl of Frosted Flakes. Shame on me, I know. And I didn't track any of this because I didn't have any idea how many points to count for the Bravo meal. So I gave myself the excuse that if I wasn't counting, I may as well keep eating. I'm so stupid.

Sunday wasn't much better. We ended up eating the leftover pizza for dinner that night. And at this point, I can't even remember what else crappy I ate (oh yeah, darn that Chex Mix!), but it had to have been something. Anyway, these weren't huge indiscretions, I realize, but where I'm going with it is this: I ate perfectly within my points range for every other day of the week except Saturday and Sunday. And then even on Saturday and Sunday, my indiscretions weren't anything major. But had I not been extremely careful on all of the other days of the week, I bet my weight would have gone up.

So is that really what it's all about? When they say it's ok to eat things in moderation in order to maintain a healthy weight, I'm not sure that's true. I felt like what I ate on the weekend was pretty normal for what I would eat if I weren't watching my weight, and when I eat like that, which I thought was in moderation, I gain weight. So in order to not gain weight, I have to be pretty darn careful of when I stray off course. And that's why maintaining weight is just as hard as trying to lose it.

In my head, I have to accept the fact that maintaining my weight will still require me to eat in a certain way. I guess in the past, I've stopped paying close attention to what I eat once I had lost the weight I wanted to lose. I've never been a horrible eater, but I do love me some sweets. And I know how quickly the calories and points can add up from those sweets. Breads and pastas are the same way. And of course, these are the things that everyone loves to eat, including me. I'm not sure how I'm going to maintain this weight, but I have to figure out a plan. It won't just happen on it's own. I've learned that from the past. And I really don't want to have to try to lose 10 pounds again anytime soon. While it hasn't been that hard (and I'm not there just yet), it takes a lot of time and effort, two things I will soon not have much of.

Now I'm off to buy me a new mixer for my bakery business!

The things I struggle with

I wasn't able to make it to my Weight Watchers meeting last week, but I did weigh in at home. I think I was down a pound from the week before. I weighed in this morning at home, and I'm down even a little bit more. So since the last time I wrote two weeks ago, I've dropped another 2.6 pounds, for a total loss of 8.8 pounds, and I'm now weighing in at 127.6. I haven't weighed 127 (yes, I'm rounding down for discussion's sake) since I was super successful with Weight Watchers back in 2008. So as you could guess, I'm very happy right now. I think the thing I'm most happy about is how easy dropping the pounds continues to be. This program suits me so perfectly. I find it's easier than counting calories, which seems strange, but it is.

Even though the program is easy, I still struggle with certain things. When I'm at work, for the most part, I'm able to keep my eating habits in check. However, Wednesdays are treat day when we rotate who brings in a goodie for the office. Breakfast foods are my favorite foods, so this is a big challenge for me. I try to not walk in the kitchen on those days. Some days I walk in and just smell what's in there. Yesterday, someone brought in a ton of bagels. Oh my gosh, it was next to impossible to walk out without a bagel in hand. I love bagels, especially cinnamon ones, toasted, with cream cheese and cinnamon sugar on them. But I don't eat them. It's very rare when I give in to the bagel. But that's hard. My strategy is to chew gum.

I chew gum often throughout the day. When I'm done with lunch and I need something sweet, I chew gum. It really helps me get through the cravings for sugar. I also recently bought these little fruit chewy things from Weight Watchers. They're like little JuJuBes candy, so they're super chewy, stick to your teeth, and you actually have to suck on them for a while to get them soft. But they're sweet enough and last long enough that by only eating a few, which don't cost any points, I can also curb my craving.

Another thing I struggle with also happens at work when we host a client meeting for breakfast or lunch. We go all out and treat our clients very well. Often there are leftovers, and leftovers go in the kitchen for the rest of the office to enjoy. Even if the leftovers aren't sweets, which are my biggest vice, I'm still tempted. One day there were these little avocado eggroll-like appetizers, and some days there's salad (but not usually lowfat dressing), or sandwich wraps, or whatever. Who doesn't like free food? But I've usually already eaten my lunch, or had my breakfast, or whatever, so I know that any of those leftovers that I would take would just be extra, unnecessary calories. I'd only be eating them because they looked good, not because I was hungry. So again, I just try to stay out of the kitchen. It's my best defense, although not always easy to do.

My biggest downfall, though, are my own baked goods. I've mentioned before that I love to bake, and I have a home-based business baking cookies and pies for the local farmer's market in the summer. But I bake all year round. Baked goods are my gift when a friend at work is celebrating a birthday, or someone just needs to feel loved for a day. I give them my treats. But I have a hard time not eating the batter or dough while I'm baking, and I have an even harder time not eating the stuff after it's baked. Often, I need to taste what I made to make sure it turned out correctly. But that's really hard, because once I take one bite, I can't stop. But I know that in order to keep this weight off, I have got to learn how to do this. I've tried chewing gum while I'm baking, but it's weird, because almost without even thinking, I toss my gum in the trash mid-way through baking because subconsciously, I'm preparing to eat the dough.

So those are my biggest struggles—the things I would love to eat every day, but have to work very hard at saying no to. What do you struggle with?

And the good news continues

In my last post, I mentioned how I gained a pound at weigh-in that day. Well, I had another weigh-in a week later, and I was so happy. I was down 3.6 pounds from the previous week, for a total weight loss so far of 6.2 pounds! On Weight Watchers' scale, I'm at 132.4 (dressed, and end of day after dinner), but on my scale at home (naked, first thing in the morning), I'm 130.2.

I love Weight Watchers. I really do. And I'm so glad that I'm attending meetings this time around. It really does help to keep you motivated, and keep you on track. And I love the program. It's easy to follow, the tools are easy to use, and it's not hard. Admittedly, I have the occasional moment where I'm dying for Chex Mix or some other salty snack that I can eat in abundance. And every morning before I sit down for breakfast, I wish I could eat three bowls of cereal like I used to sometimes do. But that's more about loving the way those things taste, not because I'm hungry in the least for that much food. One bowl of Cheerios and a banana is plenty to get me through most of the morning. My morning snack of an apple holds me over until lunch. And my lunches have been satisfying as well. I realized recently that I can use 2 tablespoons of light ranch dressing on my salads, and it goes a long way, and makes the salad a bit more satisfying. So there's nothing to complain about. I even ate Chinese food a few times this past week (steamed chicken and vegetables with brown sauce), and had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory one night.

I must admit, I do think that The Cheesecake Factory dinner is going to catch up with me at the next meeting on March 3. I think I did ok on the meal; I ordered their "weight management grilled chicken." The menu said it had less than 590 calories, but mentioned nothing else about fat or anything. And it was way too much food. I ate about 2/3 of it, and even that was probably more than I needed to eat. The bad part came when Jack and Lila decided to share a peanut butter cup cake cheesecake. Oh my word. I had quite a few bites of that, plus a bite or two of other cheesecakes at the table that our friends had ordered. But you know what? I totally paid for those bad decisions. The next day, I felt terrible. I was lethargic, tired, and just had a feeling of blah. My stomach hurt. I was fine by Friday, but those leftovers are going in the trash. No thank you.

Workouts are still going well. I've been able to keep up with 6 days a week of exercise. I've still been mixing it up, doing some Brazil Butt Lift routines while doing some old favorites. I'm not crazy about the BBL cardio routine. It's only 30 minutes, and it's not very hard. If I had to judge my intensity based on low, moderate, or high, I would say it's moderate. But I'd much rather do 40 minutes of one of my other routines that I feel are high intensity, so I've been skipping the BBL cardio. However, the other BBL routines are great. There's one for your lower body that includes a bunch of squats and stuff, and that feels like a cardio routine, too, because you're constantly moving with very little rest. Then there's the BBL toning routine. It's a 50 minute routine that works every part of your body except your legs, since you get targeted leg workouts in the other routines. The toning routine has a good ab section, too. But then there's also a leg toning routine where you use bands and ankle weights. That's a good one, too. And lastly, there's a 20 minute ab workout, which is pretty difficult. I still can't complete it. At the end of that one, we do planks, and then one-arm planks, and then side planks while you lift and lower your hips. I find these planks all so hard, which is why I still do the easy version of some of those moves. I hate that part of the routine, but it must be helping because I went back and did an older ab routine yesterday, and it was much easier than the last time I remember doing it.

Anyway, overall things are good. It takes dedication and a willingness to track what you eat, and a willingness to exercise, but I have that dedication, and it's paying off. I hope that I can continue in this manner, and not get discouraged; however, I'm not fooling myself. I know there will come a day soon where the weight is not coming off so easily and progress will slow down. It always happens when you get close to your goal. So stay tuned for more fun and adventure on my wagon ride. I'm sure there will be more drama soon.

Satisfied

The last few weeks on the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus plan has been very successful, and although I didn't lose any weight this last week (today was weigh-in day), I'm very satisfied with my progress.

For the last 7 days, I've maintained my weight loss at 131.6 pounds. I started this journey at the beginning of this year weighing in at 136 (I think I'm remembering that correctly). It is amazing how just a few pounds can really make a difference in the way I feel, and the way that I think I look. It's motivation in and of itself, and even though I didn't lose anything this past week, I'm still motivated to keep going. I'm thrilled.

At last week's weigh-in, I had lost about 2.5 pounds from the week before. I was astonished by this because during that week before weigh-in, we had a Super Bowl get-together with my in-laws. While I did make a recipe from a Cooking Light cookbook, I still had roasted potatoes with olive oil, plus Doritos and Chex Mix that I couldn't pass up. For Super Bowl party desserts, I usually make chocolate fondue, but I knew that I would easily go way overboard with that, so instead I just made cookies. I think I ended up only eating two, so that was much more controllable than ladles of melted chocolate would have been. Anyway, even after that splurge that day, I still managed to lose 2.5 pounds.

However, I wasn't convinced that was real. I figured that when I finally weighed in this week, I would either not see a change, or maybe even see a gain. Fortunately, I remained the same, which is astonishing if you knew what I ate on Sunday. Want to know? Let me give you the rundown. I had my usual bowl of Cheerios for breakfast, with a banana. No biggie. I had a baby shower to attend at lunch, which was at an Italian restaurant. The food was really good, and although not terribly horrible for me, I ate more than I needed to. I had a bowl of wedding soup, and my entree. The entree was a salad with a piece of baked chicken breast on it. Not too bad, right? Well, there was a small scoop of pasta salad in the bowl as well (which had pasta and cheese in a light dressing), and two fabulous pieces of toasted baguette with a tomato slice and melted cheese on top. I left those until the end, thinking I wouldn't eat them, but I did. Then I thought I'd just eat one, but then I ate the other. I'm such a wimp. But it was good. For dessert, they had a cookie tray, and I had two small cookies. But then they brought out cake, and I ate that, too!

So as if that weren't bad enough, we had my niece and her boyfriend over for dinner that night. Our meal consisted of lasagna (which wouldn't have been bad had I not eaten what I did for lunch), salad, and bread (but I refrained from having any bread.... yay, me!). But it was the dessert that was the kicker. I made them tiramisu. I made it on Saturday, so even on Saturday, I was sampling the mascarpone filling as I was spreading it over the ladyfingers, which I also sampled on Saturday. Then on Sunday as I was dishing it out, I had one small piece (9 PointsPlus). But it was so good, I had to have another. Ugh! What was wrong with me? Then on top of that, I had to lick the spoon after I was done dishing it out, not once, but twice (first time after the first serving, lick spoon, put in dishwasher.... second time after the second serving, lick spoon, put in dishwasher). I knew in that moment that I would be lucky if I didn't gain any weight this week.

To top it all off, while I'm usually really good about watching my PointsPlus during the week when our routine is predictable, I splurged last night. I went to Zumba at 7:15 pm. I don't usually work out in the evenings, but I had an early dinner, and knew I had time to fit it in. But working out late makes me hungry. I came home and had several small bowls of cereal. I knew for sure that my weigh-in today would not show a loss. But I'm ok with that. I'm grateful that even after all that crazy eating, I didn't gain anything.

My workouts have been good. I did the Brazil Butt Lift workout plan for 5 weeks, and decided that before I move on to the next 4-week plan with that workout, I would give myself a break and go back to some of my old favorites. So this past week, I did some TurboJam and Firm workouts, plus a Kathy Smith workout, and Zumba. I think I burn more calories with those cardio routines than I do with the BBL, but I think the BBL is really great at lower-body toning. So this week, I've been doing a little bit of both... old cardio workouts, plus the BBL toning workouts. I think it's working out ok.

So that's it for this week. I hope to continue to have good news for you in the weeks to come. I feel pretty confident that I will.

And everything is good again

Up and down, up and down. I feel like that's the way my emotions run, as well as the number on my scale, week after week. Today, everything is good again. Last week, I weighed in at 135 pounds. Today, I weighed in at 134. One pound is progress in my book. I'm very, very happy.

Last Thursday, I decided to join Weight Watchers again. A close friend of mine joined as well, so we're able to go to meetings together, which I LOVE. It's great to have an excuse that forces you to make time for your friends, because I know, as I'm sure you know, too, how hard it is to find the time to just hang out with your best gal pals these days.

Anyway, the new Weight Watchers Points Plus plan is really rather nice. No longer do you count points for fruits, and most vegetables. You know how you're supposed to eat a bunch of fruits and vegetables each day? The only way I think I can accomplish that is to plan my meals, and plan when I'm going to fit those foods into my routine. This made me realize that I need to be eating fruit or vegetables at EVERY meal, including snacks, in order to fit them in. But since they don't cost me any points, I'm not afraid to scarf down the huge apple, or the banana I may have never eaten before. So how can an eating plan be bad that gives you no reason to not eat all of that good, wholesome stuff? Of course, it would be better if I could also eat the jumbo cookies I've been baking for some taste tests, but I understand that empty calories will get me nowhere. I'm just trying to be good and not be tempted. It's very, very hard.

So my eating this past week has been pretty normal, aside from the fact that I'm now counting all of my points, and using the Weight Watchers online tools. I haven't had to change much of what I was doing, except cut out the crap.... the cookies, mostly. And I lost one pound. If I can continue to lose one pound a week, while eating all the stuff I love anyway, I'll be very, very happy. I think this is why Weight Watchers worked for me before. I definitely don't feel like I'm depriving myself in the least!

So how about my workouts, you ask? They've been coming along just fine. I'm still focusing on the Brazil Butt Lift program, but supplementing that with Zumba on Saturdays in lieu of BBL. I haven't remeasured myself yet. I'm waiting to lose some weight first, then see if my butt has shrunk at all. The workouts are good ones, and I feel good after doing them, especially the ones that really target my lower half. I've been good about keeping up with 6 days/week workouts, about 60 minutes each. Some mornings I just want to stay in bed, but then I picture my ugly naked thighs, and I spring out of bed and head to the basement.

I have a Weight Watchers meeting this evening. I'm glad I'm doing the meetings this time around. The leader for this meeting time is really motivating and I enjoyed going last week. She's very interactive with the group, and I think that makes me want to stick to my plan even more, as you hear what others are up to.

So that's it for this week. If you're on your own weight loss plan, I hope it's going well for you. Remember, any loss counts as a loss. Good luck!

This is not going well

I weighed in on Wednesday, and I was up one pound from the week before. I guess it's possible that my three pound loss wasn't really a three pound loss, and that some of that was water weight or something. In other words, maybe this one pound gain was really just a normal fluctuation in weight based on all the weird factors that make your weight fluctuate on a daily basis. I'm trying not to dwell on it. The thing that threw me, though, was that my body fat was up to 30%. Normally my scale has my body fat ranging anywhere from 26% to 29%. It's never been higher than 29%, until Wednesday, which doesn't make any sense to me, considering how hard it feels like I've been working my muscles. I don't understand any of this.

Now as far as my workouts go, things are going well. I've been following my Bikini Butt Lift program every day, doing the prescribed workouts for my butt shape. They're not easy, and I'm hoping that the soreness that I often feel is producing good results—that my body shape is actually changing. But I know that if I don't lose the fat, the difference will never ben noticable, so I've got to get this eating thing in check.

When I'm at work, everything just seems to go so smoothly. It's easy for me to resist the junk food, although it's hard for me to resist the baked goods that appear often on Wednesday mornings, so I just try to not go into the kitchen on those days. But I'm starting to crave sugar, and it's driving me nuts. I did so well those first two weeks, but then once I caved last weekend and had some sugar, I'm now finding that it's harder and harder to resist. Also, I keep baking. I love to bake. I need to bake, as I try to find new recipes that I can make for my customers. But trying new recipes means tasting them, too, and that's where my problem is. I can't leave well enough alone at just one bite. I have to eat the whole cookie, or the whole biscotti, or a whole piece of cake, or worse yet, two or three of those things.

So, I've decided to go back to the thing that worked best for me—Weight Watchers. A good friend of mine recently joined, and we could attend meetings together. There's something very appealing about that to me. I think it will be good to be paying for my attempt at weight loss, as it may help keep me motivated, plus I think it will be good to attend meetings and be accountable to the group, and to my weight loss buddy. And Weight Watchers has recently changed their points system. Fruits and vegetables are now 0 points (at least for the non-starchy ones). And the points value of various foods now takes into consideration the healthfulness of the food, so the healthier things count for less points. This all sounds very promising, and I'm really excited to get back at it. I'm tired of saying that I want to lose these 10 pounds. And this time I have to lose it, and learn to keep it off. I don't want to be back here again next winter.

I think my first meeting will be in a week, so I'll let you know how that goes. Until then, stay healthy, eat healthy, and exercise. I think that's my new motto. I hope it's yours, too.

Why, oh why!?!

Today stunk.

I went to Zumba this morning, so at least I got in a good, 400-calorie burn. But my food choices today were the pits!

The day started out ok. Not great, but not bad. I made French toast for breakfast. Normally, I use fresh Italian bread, and I can usually eat a good 4 or 5 pieces. I know, that sounds like a lot, huh? It is so good, though, I usually don't care, and just eat until I'm super full. Well, today I made two pieces with low-calorie whole wheat bread, and I only ate those two pieces, plus one egg. I felt like I really should have added the protein in there. I think it was the right thing to do.

At lunch time, I had an apple, plus a roast beef sandwich (2 oz. roast beef, plus one slice of low-fat swiss cheese) on two slices of that same low-calorie whole wheat bread. I also think I ate a cookie after lunch that was about 130 calories. And I had a snack in the afternoon that consisted of Fage non-fat Greek yogurt, with a small amount of dried fruit in it, plus a few almonds.

It was after that that it all went downhill. I decided to make scones. I've never made them before, and I've been trying out some new recipes for my baking business, and it just seemed like a good day for baking. Of course when they were done, I ate one of the smaller ones. But then I ate half of another. I didn't need any of that. But I ate them anyway.

In the meantime, I also had decided to bake some bread (wheat bread) using my mom's bread machine that I borrowed a few months back. Of course when that was done, I had to have a slice with butter on it (low calorie butter made with canola oil).

When dinnertime came, I wasn't even hungry. Jack, Lila, and I each ate our own dinner when we became hungry. I ended up having two slices of leftover pizza I made the other day (whole wheat Boboli crust, sliced tomatoes, low-fat mozzarella).

Then, to top it off, Jack had a bowl of cereal later in the evening. I wasn't even hungry, but was craving something sweet, so I snacked on dry cereal. More than I needed to. I finished the box. Oh, and I can't forget the several handfuls of caramel corn I ate while sitting on the couch watching the football game.

It was a total carb-overload day. And now I hate myself for it. And I'm paying the price with heartburn. But I just couldn't bring myself to eat another salad today... at least not one of my own. And we didn't have much protein in the house that was quick and easy to eat, aside from the roast beef I finished at lunch.

I just made terrible choices. I hope that this doesn't derail any weight loss I might have had this week. I'm hoping that I can once again get on that wagon tomorrow, and get right back to it. I can't let these kind of slip-ups get me down. I have to be doing some good with what I'm doing right most of the days of the week, right?

I sure hope so. We'll see what the scale says on Wednesday.

Check it over

So check this out—on Day 1, which was on January 3, I weighed in at 136.4 pounds. Today, a week and a few days later, I'm down to 133.4. I lost 3 pounds! I'm so elated. Scared, but elated. Elated that I've made a big leap towards my goal of losing 10 pounds. Scared that it's going to get harder and harder each week to lose any weight.

As far as eating goes since I last checked in (which was just a few days ago), I've been doing pretty well. I spend a lot of time on the weekend planning what I'm going to eat all week. Normally I just plan dinners, but this time, I planned all three meals, plus snacks, for each day of the coming week. I needed to do this in order to get everything I'd need at the grocery store. I find that if I don't plan my meals when I'm trying to lose weight, it's pointless because I will just eat whatever I can get my hands on, whether it's healthy or not. I really need to build some life-long healthy eating habits that I don't stray from even when I'm not trying to lose weight.

Anyway, Monday's breakfast was really good. I had two slices of Candian bacon on one slice of whole wheat toast, with a piece of low-fat Swiss cheese melted on it. I actually cut the bread in half, made a little panini, and toasted it in the skillet after I cooked up the Canadian bacon (I didn't add any oil or anything). Along with that, I had a 1/2 of a grapefruit. Tuesday's breakfast was not as good. I had 1 egg and 2 egg whites with 1 oz. of low-fat feta (I do weigh my food as much as I can, as I don't trust my ability to eyeball portions), along with a piece of toast with nothing on it. I also had 1/2 cup of strawberries. In my book, eggs are ok, but not in abundance, and not without toast that has some buttery flavor and moisture to it. Fortunately, I've run out of eggs, so no more eggs for breakfast this week.

This week my morning snack has been 1/2 of an apple with 2 tsp. of peanut butter. I've mentioned that I'm supposed to be eating protein with every meal. It seems hard to believe that 2 tsp. of peanut butter can really be that punch of protein that is needed to go with that apple, but I guess I won't complain. It's nice to have some variety and mix it up, as opposed to just eating a plain apple. Although, I am eating that snack at work, so I can't really measure the peanut butter. I'm guessing at what 2 tsp. looks like. Hope I'm getting it right. My afternoon snacks have been a 6 oz. container of Fage non-fat plain yogurt. I add 2 packs of Splenda, though. I can't eat the stuff plain, unless there was a deluge of dried fruit in it, but I'm not doing that either (too many calories in that dried fruit, as yummy as it is). I suspect that in order to be a perfect snack, there should be some kind of fiber in there, too, but I don't know what to add that wouldn't have very many calories but still add a good bit of fiber. So that snack is mostly about getting in a lot of protein in the middle of the afternoon.

I decided that for lunches this week, I would alternate between two of the prescribed meals. One consists of a roast beef sandwich on light wheat bread with a slice of low-fat Swiss, lettuce, and tomato, along with a cup of vegetable soup (this can be canned, no more than 80 calories). The other lunch consists of a salad with low-fat dressing and low-fat feta, plus a cup of black bean soup (no more than 150 calories). I'm satisfied with these lunches, and could continue to eat these for a long time.

Dinner on Monday was a flank steak, baked potato, and broccoli. I used about a tablespoon of the Fage on the baked potato. This meal was OK. I should have marinated the beef for much longer than I did. It was lacking flavor. On Tuesday night, we just made a big salad (lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, Italian dressing), and put the leftover steak on top, along with a little bit of low-fat mozzarella. This was a decent meal.

The next few dinners planned consist of a Weight Watchers pizza recipe, and then chicken fajitas with high-carb tortillas (no more than 100 calories per tortilla.... have you ever looked at how many calories are in a tortilla? We think we're eating healthy when we get a wrap when we eat out, but tortillas often have as many, if not more, calories than two slices of bread!). Considering leftovers, too, these two meals should take me through the rest of the week.

I had one splurge since the doughnut incident on Sunday. Last night, I tried a new recipe for a flourless chocolate chip peanut butter cookie. They were so good! I had to try one when they were still warm (delicious), and then again once they cooled (still delicious). I have a side business where I bake from my home kitchen and sell my products at the local farmer's market, so I'm always on the lookout for new recipes. This one is great, because it's gluten free and delicious. So now I can advertise that I have a gluten free item on my menu. Yay! And it was worth the calories to try it out. But no more of that, or I will quickly derail my plan.

So that's it for now. Things are going well. I'm going to try to stick to 1200 calories per day for this next week to make sure this weight loss is sticking. Maybe after this next week, I'll up it to 1500. I think I can still lose one pound a week at 1500 calories, as long as I'm keeping up with my workouts, which I have been. So until then, wish me luck! And good luck to you, too!

Here we go again

On January 3, 2011, I started over. I woke up reenergized, ready to kick these 10 pounds in the butt—and kick myself in the butt I did! In addition to starting a new healthy eating plan, I started my new Brazil Butt Lift (BBL) DVD program. My first workout set was not too bad. First, I did a 15 minute video that introduced you to the BBL moves. Then came a 30 minute cardio routine that includes a lot of butt shaking. I feel pretty stupid doing this, as my hips are not very good at doing the shimmy, but no one is watching, so I don't care much. The next day, though, had me doing the 15 minute basic video again, but this time it was followed by a 30 minute routine that focuses on moves that target the butt area, including hips and thighs (imagine the hardest squats and lunges you've ever done, with no resting in between). It's not a cardio routine, per se, where you're jumping around doing aerobics, but it was very, very difficult to keep up. I ended up having to take several breaks during the 30 minutes because I was just too tired. And it was hard. The next day was the basic video plus cardio again. And then the fourth day was that tough lower body routine (they call it Bum Bum, which is pronounced "boom boom" in Brazil). But this time, I managed a little bit better, so I have hope that I will prevail and eventually be able to do this entire routine without resting. On day 5, it was cardio and abs (also very difficult), and then on day 6, I skipped the BBL scheduled workout and went to Zumba instead. And on day 7, today, I rested.

As far as the healthy eating plan goes, this week was the kick-off week, so the meal plan suggests limiting your calories to 1000 per day (I know, I know, that's pretty low, but that's just the kick-start part of the plan, and only lasts for 6 days, and in my case, 5-1/2 because I cheated), and eating the meals they prescribe. This wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, and I never really got that throbbing headache that sometimes accompanies a low calorie, low sugar meal plan. I counted my calories each day to make sure I was sticking to the 1000, and on Monday through Friday, I did. But then the weekend came, and I find that being at home is just too tempting. It's very difficult for me to have the willpower to eat well. But I tried the best I could.

Saturday's meals were pretty good, but I did splurge at dinner, but not as bad as I could have. Lila went to a birthday party, so Jack and I went to dinner at The Italian Oven. I love it there, but usually eat some kind of panini or pizza with soup or salad. This time, because my eating plan stresses eating protein at every meal, as well as eating some kind of fruit or vegetable, I ordered a pasta dish with marinara sauce and a meatball. I only ate half of the meal, which I suspect was about a cup of linguine. I had a side salad as well with the house Italian dressing. And we asked the waiter not to bring bread to the table, so other than the carbs in my pasta and meatball, I didn't eat any unnecessary ones.

Today was not so good, though. But I decided so be it. I'm not going to let it derail me. I'll get back on it with my next meal, which will be in a few minutes when I'm done typing this entry. Today I ate the prescribed breakfast (1/2 c. Kashi cereal with 1/2 c. milk, 1/2 c. berries, and 2 Tbsp. slivered almonds). But then we took my niece to lunch at Bravo, and it is so hard to eat well when you eat out. I didn't eat any bread, and I ordered the cup of wedding soup and the chopped salad with Italian dressing. I'm sure it was more calories than I would want to believe it could be, but that wasn't the worst of it. The worst of it was when I got home and decided to make homemade doughnuts, and then ate two, plus several doughnut holes. Ugh! I wish I could kill this stupid sweet tooth of mine. But like I said, my dinner will get me back on track. And no more sweets for a few days.

I took a good bit of time yesterday to plan all of my meals for this week, choosing all of them from the meal plan for the BBL program, and grocery shopped accordingly. Hopefully I can stick to the plan, and see some success, even if it's only a one or two pound loss from when I weighed in last Monday. My weigh-in days are going to be Wednesdays, so look for another post later this week.

I'm also hoping that as the weeks go on, I can venture out from the prescribed meal plan, and start to make things that my whole household will want to eat. I started to subscribe to Cooking Light, and there are a million delicious recipes in every issue. I can't wait to get cooking!

Until Wednesday, stay healthy, eat healthy, and exercise! That's the plan. I hope it's yours, too!